Becoming a beast on the bike ... belly and all
Becoming a beast on the bike ... belly and all
I'm celebrating two years of intuitive eating, returning to group rides, and feeling faster, stronger, and less stressed over what my body looks like.
Hey friends! I am working to get back to a regular weekly posting schedule after my inadvertent summer reset, and I’ve got news to share: This little newsletter is *this close* to hitting a major milestone of 1,000 subscribers 🎉, and I could use your help!
If you enjoy the writing or just want to support the mission, please share this post on your preferred channels. If you’re on Substack, hitting the restack button 🔄 is the easiest and best way to share this with others.
And, of course, likes and comments are always appreciated! 💝 Now onto this week’s piece …
“You’re a beast climbing in that gear!” I heard the ride leader call out from behind as I crossed the summit of Mount Trashmore. Riding in a pack of powerhouses, I wasn’t sure who she was talking to until she said my name.
For a half second, insecurity crept in. Is she just saying this because I’m the biggest biker out here and she’s surprised I can ride? I shrugged off the thought; the most logical explanation is that because of years of weightlifting and legs like tree trunks, I’m probably always climbing in a harder gear than most riders.
That moment could have taken a wrong turn; instead, it felt like an affirmation. I was cranking and had been the whole ride, but I wasn’t thinking about the gear I was in, only that I was feeling strong.
It was the last Ride Like a Girl event of the season, and we were tackling my favorite trail system in Central Texas, a series of flowy dirt paths winding along the San Gabriel River, mostly non-technical but with some challenging off-camber and hilly sections. Mount Trashmore, built on the site of the former Georgetown landfill, is the flowiest of the trails. After the initial punchy climb, it’s mostly downhill with windy berms—the perfect place to cut loose and fly!
These women-only rides, hosted by the Austin Ridge Riders mountain biking group, are a chance for bikers of all abilities—but especially beginners—to come together, have fun, and develop their skills. Riders are broken into small groups by skill level, so they mostly stay within their comfort zone. I say mostly because mountain biking is an intimidating sport for many reasons—the physical demands, the variety of terrain, the skills required to tackle said terrain, and the very real risk of bodily harm. But there are also more, ahem, basic concerns. At some point, every rider fears being the dreaded one who slows the group down.
For many of us who ride, the community is part of the fun. For years, group rides were my way to push myself, test my skills, and enjoy the camaraderie of fellow mountain bikers. But life has a way of shifting priorities. I stepped away from group rides when my daughter relapsed from an eating disorder; I was needed at home. Little did I know, but that crisis would become my own wake-up call—the one I had been avoiding for years, even as another child had battled the same illness. If I was going to be fully present for my family, I had to confront my own unhealthy relationship with food and exercise.
Like so many women I know, I had spent years fighting my body. I was always following some kind of “clean eating” or restrictive diet, but exercise was my drug of choice when it came to controlling my size. Don’t get me wrong, I loved working out and would have gravitated toward movement no matter my size, but it was always complicated by my quest to be smaller.
In my 20s and 30s, it was strength training, running, spinning, and then Crossfit. In my early 40s, I took up Olympic weightlifting and competed recreationally, which was both fun and terrifying—and a way to keep my weight in check. I typically did three meets a year, deliberately choosing weight classes below my natural weight. I told myself I was doing it to be competitive, but that wasn’t the full story. The constant yo-yoing, food obsession, and extreme measures to “make weight” hit a new level. Deep down, I knew from years of eating disorder education that restricting wasn’t the answer, but I was too afraid to stop.
That fear began to unravel after my daughter’s crisis. I quit dieting for good and embraced intuitive eating, determined to make peace with food and my body. It would have been a piece of cake if I hadn’t gained weight, but the universe had other plans. The plus side was it forced me to get clear about my priorities. While I never stopped riding, I couldn’t get out as often. Those rides became more about escape than exercise; some days I went out to slay demons, others to enjoy nature. Speed, mileage, whether I was able to make all of the technical features weren’t as important. I was learning to stop punishing my body for what it wasn’t and appreciate it for what it was.
These days, I exercise for health and the joy of movement, not to shrink my body. I’ve just celebrated two years of intuitive eating, and I’m back to group rides, feeling faster, stronger, and more confident as I tackle challenging terrain. But let’s be real, I still battle the occasional body image demon. It’s hard to shake off a lifetime of body hate, especially when we’re constantly being told thinness equals fitness. Yet, I’m living proof that’s not true. I’m heavier than most of the women I ride with, but just as strong, just as capable … and sometimes even a beast on the climbs.
I want to hear from you! What hangups or challenges have you faced with fitness and body image? Have you battled the pressure to exercise for weight loss rather than health? Share your struggles, wins, and anything you learned in the process.
Looking to get started in mountain biking? The International Mountain Biking Association partners with local mountain biking groups around the U.S. to support trail building and advocacy efforts. It’s a great place to find your local biking group and group rides. REI hosts intro mountain biking clinics, including women-only events, and bike maintenance classes. The nonprofit All Bodies on Bikes has a handful of local chapters around the U.S. and hosts riding events. It also includes recommendations for plus-size bike clothing and tips for getting a bike that fits your body.
This is so great to read! Biking hasn't really ever been my thing, but turning focus toward an activity like that and losing my thoughts is exactly what happens with jiu jitsu, at least for short intervals every week. I personally wouldn't mind hearing a bit more about the rides themselves and how you use it to clear your thoughts, just as an aside. I always find stuff like that fascinating.
As you know I love your message Kristi, and the bonus of this great post is I love hearing about MTB in Texas and seeing your pics. I live in a house of hard-core riders (this does not include me) so it’s nice to see a different perspective.