I don’t see ads any more. I block them everywhere so I have no clue how I’d be marketed to at 62. I had an epiphany about ten years ago. I was visiting an artist in Vermont where I had recently moved. She was not thin. She was older. She wore comfortable clothes. I didn’t notice if she had her hair fixed or was wearing makeup; probably not. She was comfortable with who she was and her focus was on her art and being herself. I realized I was starting to look and feel the same way and it gave me a wonderful feeling of joy and acceptance. I have never looked back or thought about my younger body since then.
It happened to me in my 20s too. I had a roommate for a time who was the same height and weight as me and we could share clothes and shoes. So I had a great objective look at my own body that was very different than a mirror or photographs.
I’ve been feeling the same kind of liberation lately. I feel so impermeable lately and it’s not because I’m numbing. I feel it all. I just decided to start feeling the right things.
I am currently reading this in Mexico at 58 years old in the same bikini I had in my 20s! I may not look the same, but I feel glorious, my skin has sun spots from the years of using my able body to run in the mountains, the beaches and cities all over the world. When I look at my wrinkled hands, I think of Georgia O’Keeffe, a woman who used her hands to write, create art, to explore the outdoors of its wonders! Thank you so much for this amazing article.
That's such a great question. I am not sure. Maybe minutes over time of yoga, therapy, breathing, and wanting to model for my four kids (two daughters and two sons) that beauty is how we "show up in the world," not how we "look in the world."
It is a complicated thing, to be both grateful for the privilege of aging but angry at the body for aging! I’m in my 60s now, and the one odd thing I notice about myself is major skepticism when a man says I’m attractive. I used to crave that kind of comment and maybe too often needed it for my self-esteem. Now I think there must be something wrong with the guy saying it. Ha!
I think I’m exchanging one messed-up view of my body for another one. But this new one is less stressful and less work….
Such an important topic to discuss! "What we need is permission to see women as more than their outward appearance and aging not as a betrayal, but a natural part of life." I think there also needs to be more information/education available to women regarding the aging process, and that we openly talk more about our personal experiences to normalize what many of us believe only we are going through. Many of my clients don't know that a decrease in collagen as we age is natural. Instead they think they are broken or doing something wrong as they see their skin quality changing. This is how bodies work. We don't need an oil or anything else to fix us.
I like to say the body does keep the score, and she can be a real bitch. I am a dancer dealing with the broke down palace of my aging body, and I actually wrote about this a few weeks ago in I Used to Be Cursive but Now I'm Chicken Scratch. It's always surprising to catch a reflection in the mirror or roll over in bed and realize your body is not what it used to be. Sigh. Thanks for sharing.
Leslie, feel free to drop a link here. We’d love to read it!
I totally relate to what you’re saying about the body keeping the score. I’m dealing with mobility issues that started after I quit Olympic lifting. I’m hoping that some of it is because I had a consistent mobility routine and I can get some of it back with work and time, but it’s hard to come up against limitations and pain that wasn’t there before.
I feel like I am THIS CLOSE to getting it, to just saying FU to society/men/whoever about what I look like. I stopped wearing makeup years ago and I don't miss it one bit. I go out in public in a t-shirt, yoga pants, and clogs, and don't care what anyone thinks. But when it comes to my weight? Oh, that's the bugaboo. My partner thinks I'm beautiful and loves my curves and my belly. But then I look in the mirror at my almost-50-year-old body and think, "HOW? How can he love THIS?" He tells me to see myself through his eyes, but it is SO HARD.
Thanks again for another wonderful essay. You articulate so well what many of us are feeling.
Thank you. I like to think that I’m leaning heavily on the same side as you, but writing this piece also opened my eyes to just how much I’m still a slave to beauty culture.
I don’t see ads any more. I block them everywhere so I have no clue how I’d be marketed to at 62. I had an epiphany about ten years ago. I was visiting an artist in Vermont where I had recently moved. She was not thin. She was older. She wore comfortable clothes. I didn’t notice if she had her hair fixed or was wearing makeup; probably not. She was comfortable with who she was and her focus was on her art and being herself. I realized I was starting to look and feel the same way and it gave me a wonderful feeling of joy and acceptance. I have never looked back or thought about my younger body since then.
What a gift to get that state of mind! I’m not there yet, but I’m working toward it!
It happened to me in my 20s too. I had a roommate for a time who was the same height and weight as me and we could share clothes and shoes. So I had a great objective look at my own body that was very different than a mirror or photographs.
I’ve been feeling the same kind of liberation lately. I feel so impermeable lately and it’s not because I’m numbing. I feel it all. I just decided to start feeling the right things.
Yes. Not numb. Just free!
I am currently reading this in Mexico at 58 years old in the same bikini I had in my 20s! I may not look the same, but I feel glorious, my skin has sun spots from the years of using my able body to run in the mountains, the beaches and cities all over the world. When I look at my wrinkled hands, I think of Georgia O’Keeffe, a woman who used her hands to write, create art, to explore the outdoors of its wonders! Thank you so much for this amazing article.
More life goals!!! When did you find liberation or was it always this way for you?
That's such a great question. I am not sure. Maybe minutes over time of yoga, therapy, breathing, and wanting to model for my four kids (two daughters and two sons) that beauty is how we "show up in the world," not how we "look in the world."
It is a complicated thing, to be both grateful for the privilege of aging but angry at the body for aging! I’m in my 60s now, and the one odd thing I notice about myself is major skepticism when a man says I’m attractive. I used to crave that kind of comment and maybe too often needed it for my self-esteem. Now I think there must be something wrong with the guy saying it. Ha!
I think I’m exchanging one messed-up view of my body for another one. But this new one is less stressful and less work….
That is pretty funny and so relatable! My husband is the only man giving me compliments on a regular basis, and he’s the best, so they must be true! 😉
Such an important topic to discuss! "What we need is permission to see women as more than their outward appearance and aging not as a betrayal, but a natural part of life." I think there also needs to be more information/education available to women regarding the aging process, and that we openly talk more about our personal experiences to normalize what many of us believe only we are going through. Many of my clients don't know that a decrease in collagen as we age is natural. Instead they think they are broken or doing something wrong as they see their skin quality changing. This is how bodies work. We don't need an oil or anything else to fix us.
THIS!!! More education. More conversation. We’re stronger and less tolerant of the BS together.
I like to say the body does keep the score, and she can be a real bitch. I am a dancer dealing with the broke down palace of my aging body, and I actually wrote about this a few weeks ago in I Used to Be Cursive but Now I'm Chicken Scratch. It's always surprising to catch a reflection in the mirror or roll over in bed and realize your body is not what it used to be. Sigh. Thanks for sharing.
Leslie, feel free to drop a link here. We’d love to read it!
I totally relate to what you’re saying about the body keeping the score. I’m dealing with mobility issues that started after I quit Olympic lifting. I’m hoping that some of it is because I had a consistent mobility routine and I can get some of it back with work and time, but it’s hard to come up against limitations and pain that wasn’t there before.
Thank you for this! Here it is: https://open.substack.com/pub/distractedbyprettythings/p/i-used-to-be-cursive-but-now-im-chicken?r=43tgx8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Looking forward to reading!
I feel like I am THIS CLOSE to getting it, to just saying FU to society/men/whoever about what I look like. I stopped wearing makeup years ago and I don't miss it one bit. I go out in public in a t-shirt, yoga pants, and clogs, and don't care what anyone thinks. But when it comes to my weight? Oh, that's the bugaboo. My partner thinks I'm beautiful and loves my curves and my belly. But then I look in the mirror at my almost-50-year-old body and think, "HOW? How can he love THIS?" He tells me to see myself through his eyes, but it is SO HARD.
Thanks again for another wonderful essay. You articulate so well what many of us are feeling.
Thank you. I like to think that I’m leaning heavily on the same side as you, but writing this piece also opened my eyes to just how much I’m still a slave to beauty culture.