Is Your Home a Body Positive Space?

Thanks for reading Almost Sated, a newsletter about the messy process of detoxing from diets, diet culture and self-suppression. If you like what you’re reading, please consider subscribing and sharing! It’s free to join, and subscribing ensures you never miss a post. On Mondays, I round up the most interesting reads and listens from the last week.

I’m kicking off the post with a question that was inspired by

Laura Thomas, PhD, RNutr

of

Can I Have Another Snack?

’s most recent podcast with  Zoë Bisbing, an integrative eating disorder therapist who recently founded the Body Positive Home. Bisbing started her business after asking herself a simple question: Why does a person have to be diagnosed with a life-impairing mental health condition before they can access such valuable, life-enhancing skills and support?  

I can tell you from first-hand experience, when you or a loved one go through treatment for an eating disorder, you get a crash course in what to do and what not to do, what to say and what not to say to the person suffering from the illness. These changes start at home, most often in the kitchen. And they’re intended to reduce harm and make the home a weight-neutral, food-neutral safe space—a refuge against what we typically hear and experience out in the world.

The podcast got me thinking about how body positive my home really is and what more I could be doing. I started thinking about some of the “rules” we do our best to live by in our home.

• There are no good or bad foods. 

• There are abundant food choices. 

• No food is off limits. 

• “Safe” foods are plentiful.

• “Fear” foods are, too. 

• There is no judgment about what people eat.

• We don’t talk positively or negatively about body size, weight gain or weight loss, in ourselves or anyone else.

• When someone brings up needing new clothes because the old ones no longer fit, we work to remedy it quickly without fanfare or judgment. 

I’m in a position of extreme privilege to offer this much choice and abundance. This is not how I grew up, and this is not how many people can afford to live. But there are changes even those who are less privileged could make to foster a more body positive home environment.

We have worked very hard in our home to remove judgment around food, eating, and body image. We have active conversations about diet culture and the negative impacts of it. My children are quick to recognize diet culture, but it’s also everywhere.

We can’t insulate our children from every potentially negative comment out there, but we can teach them to see those comments for what they are—fat phobia and diet talk. And just by helping our kids recognize these messages as diet culture, we can reduce the negative impact of them. 

I think there's power in a family trying really hard to just live your values, talk about your values, so that when an outsider says something or a family member says something, your family ultimately has a sense. Like we, we do things differently. Like we, we see the injustice, we see the problem in that. I think this is very hard because everybody absorbs information differently. —Zoë Bisbing

The kids are listening. I can’t tell you how many times now when we’re in conversation with someone outside of our home who goes into body talk or food judgment, my kids and I lock eyes. They’re looking to see if I’m hearing what they’re hearing, and even that non-verbal confirmation is validation for them. Depending on who is doing the talking and the comfort level we have with that person, one of us—even my kids—may speak up. 

“We don’t talk about body size” is a simple phrase we’ve all used, and it’s pretty damn effective. 

But still there is more we could be doing. Bisbing’s suggestion to create a Not Working for My Body Bag was absolute genius and something we will absolutely incorporate. You can sign up to learn more about the work she’s doing on her website.

---

Why Should You Check Your Own Bias? 

As I mentioned above, the kids are listening. And they’re being introduced to anti-fat bias earlier than you think. Well+Good tackled the many ways anti-fat messaging is being relayed to our kids, and at what age it sinks in. 

Education is so important here, because there is so much subtle bias and even accidental bias. Many people don’t recognize that their own behaviors and comments are actually incredibly harmful to those around them. 

…it’s important to note that people don’t always intend to be mean. “Media portrayals, comments by family members, and well-meaning teachers or coaches may all inadvertently say or do something that reinforces fatphobia,” says Anna Tanner, MD, FAAP, FSAHM, CEDS-S, the vice president for the department of child and adolescent medicine for The Emily Program. For example, parents may tell a child to eat less “or they’ll get fat,” thinking that can protect them from being bullied or having health issues. (Spoiler alert: It’s not that simple.)

---

But What About Barbie? 

Easily the most interesting read of the week is

Jessica DeFino

of

The Unpublishable

’s breakdown of Barbie and how the official Barbie merch undermines the message of the movie. 

It’s a long, thoughtful piece that goes beyond Barbie and touches on the role of beauty in women’s economic advancement. DeFino argues that beauty was—and still is—women’s price of admission for entering the workforce. Barbie’s, too. 

It’s more difficult still to challenge the feminist reclamation of Barbie-esque beauty standards when the doll is generally seen as an icon of second-wave feminism and the struggle for workplace equality. This, I think, is a misinterpretation of Barbie and her many careers. Upon closer inspection, Barbie more accurately reflects the backlash to second-wave feminism — a time when beauty standards were brandished as “political weapon[s] against women’s advancement,” Naomi Wolf writes in The Beauty Myth. —Jessica DeFino

Have you seen the movie yet? What do you think? In an odd twist, our entire family wants to see the movie and plan to go later today. When I asked my 22-year-old son him why he wanted to see it, he said it looked like fun and would have a lot to say about gender culture. 

---

Taking Aim at Summer Triggers

I mentioned last week that the National Eating Disorder Association was focusing on summer triggers for the entire month of July to raise awareness about how hard summer can be for those who struggle with eating disorders or disordered eating. You can still read all of the first-person posts on the topic so far, including mine. 

Plus, if you still haven’t listened, my first podcast interview was released last week with the Eating Disorder Therapist. I discuss my feelings of vigilance and worry in summer, among other topics. 

---

More Books for Your Diet Recovery Reading

Linn Thorstensson

at

Joyful + Nourishment

put together her top five non-diet books, and I was surprised that I had only heard of one of them. Of course, Intuitive Eating topped her list, as it is largely credited with launching the intuitive eating movement. 

What I like about the Intuitive Eating book and this approach is that it is organised in 10 principles. That gives a good framework, as well as some helpful structure to the process of working through it.

That said, you can read through this book from cover to cover but doing the actual work takes time. Weeks, months and even years. And it is not necessarily a linear process either. —Linn Thorstensson

Thorstensson sums it up perfectly. You can do all the reading you want, but to make change, you have to do the work. Also, the book is not perfect and should most definitely not be your only reference if you’re thinking about detoxing from diets. Luckily, she includes a few more recommendations. I’m especially excited to check out Body of Truth by Harriet Brown.

---

Thanks for reading Almost Sated. Right now, I’m focused on getting this newsletter into the hands of people who need it. If you found what you read interesting, encouraging, or helpful, please make sure you’re subscribed and consider sharing it with others.