More rest, less guilt

My wish for us all this new year. Plus, a postcard from Panama.

Happy New Year, friends old and new (I’ve had quite a few new subscribers in recent days, thanks to this piece about going fat in the time of Ozempic—I’m excited to welcome you to the Almost Sated community)! Also, a quick reminder I’m offering 65% off annual subscriptions until January 31, so I can reach my goal of reaching 100 paid subscribers this year, which will unlock more visibility for this little community of (mostly) women trying to make the most of midlife and redefine health without restriction. It’s less than $2 a month for this short time, so get it while you can!

Now that we've got the big day out of the way, I can admit New Year’s Eve has never been one of my favorite holidays. There’s so much pressure to both celebrate it and make it count: to let go of all the bad juju from the previous year and somehow transform one night into a metaphor for the entire year ahead—all the while capturing it in one picture-perfect moment. Most years, I'm asleep before we get to the ball drop.

This year, though, I was vacationing in Panama with my family when the clock struck midnight. Before the trip, I had this hope that we'd be whooping it up like they do in the movies, maybe at one of the lively street parties in Panama City’s Casco Viejo, one of the oldest areas of the city. From my early research, it reminded me of Bourbon Street (without the terrible act of terrorism we had recently), with a mix of locals and tourists. It sounded like it would be festive and fun—if a bit out of character for me. I decided why not, assuming I could stay awake.

Mostly cloudy days in the Casco Viejo

Once we visited this historic district, I realized it wasn’t going to be quite what I’d imagined. The Casco Viejo is beautiful—a blend of original Spanish and French colonial, neoclassical and even mid-century modern architecture—and steeped in history—it was completed and settled in 1673 after the near-total destruction of the original Panama City. But even with a revival of sorts happening here, it’s still primarily a tourist destination, with shops, restaurants, and hotels catering to visitors rather than locals.

When I started researching where to go for New Year's Eve (you know, on the actual day), I realized that if we wanted to party—either like locals or even like tourists—we would have needed to book tickets in advance. The few places we tried were either sold out or charging crazy prices (one rooftop bar quoted us $500 per person!).

New Year’s Eve shenanigans

Instead, we ended up at the refined but decidedly low-key bar at the Hyatt’s Hotel La Compañía, originally built as a Jesuit convent in 1688. It was a warm, relaxed evening, sipping champagne and cocktails until about a half-hour before midnight, when we Ubered back to our hotel so we could watch the fireworks over the bay from our room. I stayed awake for maybe 10 minutes before conking out. Hello new year!

At the summit of La India Dormida (forgive the boob sweat)

It wasn’t bad. In fact, it was quite lovely. Even better was the incredible and incredibly challenging hike my husband and I did in El Valle de Antón on New Year's Day. The hike is called La India Dormida, and it’s one of the most famous in the area for its spectacular views. I thought the double black diamond rating on Trail Forks must be a mistake when we set out on a mere 3-mile hike in the belly of an ancient volcano crater, but we were quickly proven wrong. This was some of the toughest “hiking” I’ve done, with serious bouldering to the summit (and a fair amount of butt scooting back down), but the epic, 360-degree views of the mountains were worth it. 

Restlessness and resistance—the two Rs

Now that I’m back home and settling into January, I’ve been feeling a mix of restlessness and resistance. Getting back into the swing of things after time away is always a struggle, and the pressure to “hit the ground running” in the new year doesn’t help, especially when you’re just not ready.

Even in my dieting days, I wasn’t much of a New Year's resolutioner. January was for amateurs, and resolutions were for the weak—people who lacked the fortitude to begin doing whatever they aspired to immediately. The gym would be clogged with well-meaning people who didn’t know what they were doing, but there was little reason to get annoyed because they’d be gone soon enough.

Of course, my (elitist, judgmental) perspective has shifted. 

The truth is, we need resets. We need new years, half years, and changing seasons to usher in the new and say goodbye to the past. We mark time by these changes, and there’s joy and absolution in getting to start over again. Plus, it’s a chance to reflect, recalibrate, and step forward with renewed purpose. The resets are a reminder that life is cyclical, and we’re all connected to something bigger. 

Monthly cycles and seasons

Lately, as I navigate the roller coaster of perimenopause, I’ve been exploring menstrual cycle awareness and noticing just how much my emotions and energy levels are influenced not just by my body, but by where I am in my cycle (yes, I’m still having one).

Jess Mujica

at Go With the Flow describes how our cycles have their own seasons, much like the seasons of our lives. Perimenopause, where I find myself now, is considered fall—a season, like winter, that invites us to slow down and turn inward.

It’s okay to have periods of dormancy, to feel like you’re not “getting back to it” right away. Rest is part of the process, even if it doesn’t feel productive. Of course, in our capitalistic “hustle” culture, rest is sometimes seen as a necessary evil rather than necessary for growth. But rest isn’t just about recovering from burnout; it’s about replenishing ourselves so we can move forward with intention and purpose.

Jess sums it up perfectly in her introductory post on cycle awareness, which I’ve been rereading so much I need to just bookmark it: 

“In our western culture there is a resistance to the second half of the life cycle. Our economy is equally proportionate to our productivity. This is our only perceived value. And this constant outward growth and energy has translated itself onto women as well. The world culture only wants Spring and Summer’s outward productive growth, while it denies the balance of pulling back, pruning, introspection and rest that is natural to Fall and Winter phases.”

As I sit with these thoughts, I’m trying to remind myself that not everything needs to be a sprint into action. This time of year is often about big declarations, new goals, and immediate transformation, but maybe the greatest gift we can give ourselves is grace. Instead of rushing toward the next big thing, we can take a pause to acknowledge where we are now and what we need in this moment.

For me, this perspective has helped me ease back into work, routines, and the creative process this week. It means not letting the mountain of “I shoulds” overwhelm me—especially with plenty on the home front to keep me busy, from getting the house back in order after the trip and Christmas to adjusting to my son moving back in and helping my daughter settle into a new apartment.

Getting back from getting away from it all

The view from the main pool at Ciel y Miel

I often feel this pressure to come away from breaks—whether metaphorical, like taking time off, or physical, like trips—with some grand epiphanies about myself or life in general. That didn’t really happen on this trip. Instead, I unplugged for a few magical days at a remote eco-lodge where the only agenda was taking in the breathtaking views of the rainforest and Caribbean, watching monkeys overtake the trees by our rooms in the mornings and evenings, swimming in the ocean and pools, playing games, and relaxing.

We were seriously off the grid, with the port city of Colón about an hour away. My family remarked more than once that they’d never seen me so calm with absolutely nothing to do. “I’m a new person!” I keep telling them. Just between you and me, if we’d stayed any longer, I would have started cutting my own trail through the trees just to break a sweat—but hey, this is progress!

Speaking of progress

The shift from constantly striving to simply being has been good for me. The old me had to move, push, keep doing, because I didn’t think I was good enough just as I was. A big part of that was driven by unhappiness with my body. While the body image demons still occasionally creep up, I’ve made so much progress on this front. 

I didn’t emerge from this break with any grand revelations—just confirmations. My current struggles with brain fog and concentration in perimenopause mean I need to be especially mindful of my time and energy. This isn’t the year for major new projects. My primary focus, beyond supporting my family, is finishing my memoir and continuing to write here weekly.

I’ve also set a goal of reaching 100 paid subscribers on Substack (the platform I’m writing this on), because achieving that milestone unlocks greater visibility for my writing, which allows me to make a bigger impact. Along with these goals, I have set a few additional intentions for the year: becoming more conversational in Spanish (there weren’t as many English speakers as we expected in Panama, and we’re traveling to Costa Rica in February), joining my neighborhood book club (I’d like to make some new friends), and recommitting to weightlifting and mobility work (it’s time to set a regular schedule). These goals feel doable—not overwhelming or overly ambitious, but just right for where I am now.

How are you stepping into this new year? Are you diving in with big plans or easing into things slowly? What are your intentions? Let me know in the comments. Wherever you are, it’s enough. 🙏