27 Comments
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Desaree (Des) Crane's avatar

"You do not fit in this space."

Ma'am, if I can hike the mountain, climb the stairs, survive airline seating, and successfully open a jar of pickles, I refuse to let a malfunctioning hotel robe become my villain origin story.

Somewhere along the way we were convinced our bodies were projects to manage instead of companions for the journey. Meanwhile our bodies were busy carrying us to waterfalls, sunsets, road trips, first kisses, last goodbyes, and every beautiful thing in between.

If the robe doesn't fit, perhaps the robe should spend some time reflecting on its choices.

Beautiful piece, Kristi. Thank you for the reminder that our worth is not measured in inches of fabric but in the lives we get to live inside these wonderfully imperfect bodies.

Kristi Koeter's avatar

Desaree, this is possibly the most beautifully written (and funny!) comment anyone has ever left me. You really put it into perspective!

“Our worth is not measured in inches of fabric but in the lives we get to live inside these wonderfully imperfect bodies.”

Kyra Faison-Gardner's avatar

I enjoyed this so much Kristi! It was soft and powerful. Thank you

Kristi Koeter's avatar

Awww, thank you, Kyra 🙏.

Becky's avatar

Thank you for this

Kristi Koeter's avatar

You're welcome

Amy Brown's avatar

Kristi, what a wonderful essay! Midlife you does have her priorities straight and it’s wonderful to see! I am so glad you see all that your body allows you to experience and that is becoming the lead story among all the other ‘stories’ about women’s bodies society tries to force on us. Loved this & I am with you at 66, with bodylove unlike anything I’ve experienced before; it’s been a long road but I am elated to let go of other people’s stories of how my body should be (and yes! Cursed hotel robe!): “Despite the external madness, I’ve never been so zen about my fitness.

It’s not good or bad. All or nothing. Fit or not fit. I’ve finally gotten to a place of understanding, that fitness exists on a spectrum, and I’m not deficient or somehow failing at life when I’m “less fit.” I’m also not in some desperately mad scramble to get back to some crazy ideal, which let’s be real, was never and will never be, attainable.”

Kristi Koeter's avatar

This makes me so so happy to hear, Amy. It also gives me hope that this keeps going. I hope that I'm as full of body love at 66 as you are now. Thank you for sharing and for being here.

Nan Tepper's avatar

OKAY. Are you still in the Catskills? I live in the Hudson Valley. If you're still here, let me know, Kristi? xo

Kristi Koeter's avatar

Aww, Nan. I wish I was so I could meet you. Definitely will next time, and I’m certain there will be a next time!

Leslie Senevey's avatar

A perfect example of holding the bitter and the sweet at the same time. Gorgeous photos btw. Glad you got to have the experience.

Kristi Koeter's avatar

Thank you, Leslie 🙏

Annette LoVoi's avatar

Kristi, you are a beautiful writer!

Kristi Koeter's avatar

Annette, thank you for the kind words and thank you for being here.

Tiffany Kay's avatar

Just came across you via Midstack. And as soon as I saw the picture of the robe I was nodding! I'm 6ft 2 and curvy. Most of the towels they provide don't even wrap around me. It seems like such a simple thing. Smaller people will fit in larger robes so make the one size they offer larger (and correctly sized!) and it will be inclusive. I've started a little mantra for myself "don't shrink the frame, grow into it"! So just wanted to say that I love your writing, your travels look amazing (amen to the waterfalls!) and your body is beautiful.

Kristi Koeter's avatar

Yes, OMG, yes! I haven't even gotten started on towels. I think we could all do with a mantra. I love that you've given yourself permission to exist just as you are.

Thank you for the kind words.

Joy V. 🌵's avatar

Not what you intended, but I keep thinking about your waterfall comment. I 100% relate to your husband’s desire to be one with the waterfall, and your more detached experience indicates it’s not your thing (but you’re a tolerant and nice spouse). Which made me wonder: What is your equivalent of a waterfall?

Kristi Koeter's avatar

I love that you're asking this question, Joy! What do you like about being one with the waterfall? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I suspect it's maybe because it makes you feel alive, like, really alive. The sheer physical power of moving water is incredible. I like waterfalls, but I've read enough warnings about tumbling rocks to be weary of getting underneath them. I think that's what stops my full enjoyment. I think my equivalent is being among aspens, especially when they're shimmering in the wind. It's grounding. It almost feels like an electric current running through me.

Christa French's avatar

F those hotel robes! Definitely the hotel's problem, not yours. Your vacation looks beautiful, and I love your perspective on it!

Kristi Koeter's avatar

You always say the right thing! Thank you!

Sarah Wooster's avatar

It drives me crazy the whole sizing thing. It’s as if one has to actually remember that just cos it says XL and doesn’t fit doesn’t mean that I am the problem!!! The older I get the more I mutter “fuck em” under my breathe in situations like this 😂 and move onto the fun stuff … like hiking 😊

Kristi Koeter's avatar

That's the right attitude, Sarah! But, dang it, if we could have just gotten there sooner!

I'm really hopeful my daughters do a better job of ignoring the nonsense.

Sarah Wooster's avatar

I have two; 28 and 30 and they manage all this stuff way way better than I ever did ! X

Kristi Koeter's avatar

We've done our work when they're handling it better than we did!

Sarah Wooster's avatar

Yes .. I’m going to take that in! X

Kristi Koeter's avatar

100% agree. There are way bigger issues. This is a problem that comes from incredible privilege. And yet, it's also one of many small reminders that comfort and belonging are often only reserved for those who align to a very narrow mold.