This happened to me too! I wrote the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever written for my substack yesterdayand just a handful of people engaged with the post. In the past, I’ve gotten dozens or even hundreds of likes or comments for very personal posts. Now all my numbers are shrinking. I think it is a systemic problem across Substack and not anything we are doing, but I am definitely to the point of moving on and considering other platforms. By the way I did read your post and I really liked it. I can’t remember if I did engage with it or not but I just wanted to share that 🙏
Thank you, Joy. I appreciate you chiming in. I saw your post pop up in my inbox and haven't made it back to it yet. I think there is definitely some Substack algorithm stuff happening under the hood. I wish they sent out a note to everyone that was like don't take it personally, we're messing around with the feed! I know of two big names that moved to Patreon, and one of them is still posting some of her content here too. I still think this is the best place to be for discovery, but you know, it may not be two months from now. And I know you know this, but it's different when you're creating content for businesses or entities versus personal content for yourself. It's just so much harder to look at it objectively.
I'm sorry I missed last week's post when you released it! I had an unexpectedly busy week. I will go back and read it now. But first, let me say that this post is a powerful one. Boy do I know what you mean when you say that sometimes you worry about "the silence mean[ing] something deeper. Judgment. Pity. Disgust" AND when you say, "Sometimes it’s easier to tell strangers your deepest thoughts than it is to share them with people you’re close to." Yep. I'm sorry your mom's response was less than helpful. I'm glad your sister reached out. As impossible as it is, try not to read too much into the apparent silence surrounding any of your (amazing) essays! I wish I had something wise to say about this particular relationship challenge - one that I suspect every married person endures in some form - but really, my main response is I HEAR YOU, sister. This is hard. Stay strong in your conviction about what's best for YOU. Side note: I, too, was impressed with the richly detailed prose in Lindy West's new memoir. (I liked her voice-memo entries!) YES to journaling through relationship struggles. I had the same reaction to the fact that Tara Westover was able to draw on her childhood journals for Educated (I wish I had old journals of any kind!). I hope journaling privately AND posting publicly end up being therapeutic practices in the long run. Please know that your supporters are out here thinking loving, admiring thoughts of you even when we can't catch every post! xoxoxo
Diana, it means so much to hear from you, and it's good to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts, though I wouldn't wish them on anyone else! Thank you for your encouragement. ❤️ I'm still fighting those first instincts, the oh god, what have I done ones, especially now hearing from so many people. But it feels like I'm supposed to accept them, as hard as that is, and keep working through them. I so wish there was a class on not taking your writing so personally. Maybe we need to pull that together??
Oh Kristi, first of all, I am proud that you published this post, and the last one, and all of them. I’ve been following your Substack for a while now, and the only reason I didn’t finish reading the last one (or liking it) was because it was (seemingly at a glance) husband focused, and that’s just not my life currently lol. Not because of the content, which I just read and felt such compassion for your position. It was a great post about the fears and uncertainties of marriage and life. It was honest and real. Just like this post. And yes, I do have those 3 AM thoughts sometimes. I think we all do when we’re being honest.
Thank you, Dana. You're right. I don't usually delve into the husband stuff. Lol. I appreciate you being here and sharing your kind words. And also I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one with the 3 a.m., although they aren't very pleasant.
It's tough when we go out on a limb and write from the heart and don't get the response we were hoping for. As Joy V. said below, I believe the numbers are down all over Substack, I know mine are.
I just read your post from last week - thank you for sharing your most vulnerable thoughts❤️ What I felt while reading it was "this is huge", my heart ached for the place you were at as a couple because I've been in that situation. Not exactly the same, of course, but where he decides to do something that may not line up with where I'm at. Whether we want it to or not, this causes turbulence and introspection and when it's about something as big as how we are choosing to live our life....it's a huge deal.
Times like this suck even though it seems like they eventually lead us to greater clarity about ourselves. I don't know if this makes any sense but I hope that your husband's decision to go will eventually lead you to an even deeper understanding of yourself.
It’s so hard when we feel like we’re the only ones going through something, but then it’s so so good to hear from others who’ve walked in our shoes… or similar shoes. You’re so right. It felt huge, but writing it and sharing it has allowed me to process it in an entirely different way. And it’s allowed me to have a deeper, more thoughtful conversation about this.
I understand that cracked wide open and exposed feeling but I'm here to say your readers lack of engagement wasn't a reflection on you. There's so much going on right now especially in US everyone is spacey and distracted. Keep doing what you're doing. You're still making a difference even if people don't have time or inclination to comment. I'm glad I caught this article in my inbox while I catch up on everything I've missed myself.
Thanks, Shelby! It's good to hear from others publishing here. There IS so much going on. It feels like people's nervous systems are worn down, mine included. I appreciate you stopping by!
Kristi- I read your posts every week and every week something resonates with me. Last week I was thinking about my own experience regarding my health/dieting/eating habits etc. George is incredibly positive about my body, my weight etc. But sometimes I feel like it is to my detriment. Whenever I am trying to be healthier he encourages me to eat things I am trying to limit or eat in moderation. (I do not restrict anything but try to make healthy eating choices most of the time) In one way it is so nice to be with someone who is so encouraging and non judgemental but other times I feel like it is because he doesnt want to make any changes or rather doesnt want my changes to effect him. I know I am the only one I can count on to be healthy and reach fitness goals but I sometimes wish my partner was more aligned so that it would help hold me accountable.
A lot of my goals now how to do with my health rather than looking a certain way, being a certain size etc. Although I still sometimes suffer from deep rooted self loathing due to my weight. My mom has always been someone who is very critical of people who are overweight and has always been rather petite. Not just thin but "smaller" than me- smaller, shorter, less of as chest etc... When I stand next to her I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. I still swoon when she says I look good or that I look like I have lost some weight. Its like that is the only validation that means something coming from her. Unfortunately that then makes we worried the next time I see her if she thinks I am heavier or not... It is definitely something I cam cognizant of and am working on but that worry runs deep.
Olivia, thank you for sharing this. It means so much to hear this from you. ❤️ I'm really glad to hear it's resonating. This body image stuff is so, so hard. Someone else I follow wrote yesterday about how much harder the body image work is than the food work. That might not be true of everyone, but I feel like it's so hard when we're battling the societal pressures, but then most of us also have the generational trauma that's been passed down and passed down. It makes me that you've got such a supportive partner. It really just makes life so much richer.
Hey Kristi - another great post. Wanted to share that I had almost 0 engagement with my post last week (and I thought I was being so clever!)...
I think everyone is exhausted. I know I am. I'm reading about gardening and cookbooks with pretty pictures in attempt to give my soul a rest from all of the ugly lately.
So... as the cliche goes... it's not you, it's us.
This happened to me too! I wrote the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever written for my substack yesterdayand just a handful of people engaged with the post. In the past, I’ve gotten dozens or even hundreds of likes or comments for very personal posts. Now all my numbers are shrinking. I think it is a systemic problem across Substack and not anything we are doing, but I am definitely to the point of moving on and considering other platforms. By the way I did read your post and I really liked it. I can’t remember if I did engage with it or not but I just wanted to share that 🙏
Thank you, Joy. I appreciate you chiming in. I saw your post pop up in my inbox and haven't made it back to it yet. I think there is definitely some Substack algorithm stuff happening under the hood. I wish they sent out a note to everyone that was like don't take it personally, we're messing around with the feed! I know of two big names that moved to Patreon, and one of them is still posting some of her content here too. I still think this is the best place to be for discovery, but you know, it may not be two months from now. And I know you know this, but it's different when you're creating content for businesses or entities versus personal content for yourself. It's just so much harder to look at it objectively.
I'm sorry I missed last week's post when you released it! I had an unexpectedly busy week. I will go back and read it now. But first, let me say that this post is a powerful one. Boy do I know what you mean when you say that sometimes you worry about "the silence mean[ing] something deeper. Judgment. Pity. Disgust" AND when you say, "Sometimes it’s easier to tell strangers your deepest thoughts than it is to share them with people you’re close to." Yep. I'm sorry your mom's response was less than helpful. I'm glad your sister reached out. As impossible as it is, try not to read too much into the apparent silence surrounding any of your (amazing) essays! I wish I had something wise to say about this particular relationship challenge - one that I suspect every married person endures in some form - but really, my main response is I HEAR YOU, sister. This is hard. Stay strong in your conviction about what's best for YOU. Side note: I, too, was impressed with the richly detailed prose in Lindy West's new memoir. (I liked her voice-memo entries!) YES to journaling through relationship struggles. I had the same reaction to the fact that Tara Westover was able to draw on her childhood journals for Educated (I wish I had old journals of any kind!). I hope journaling privately AND posting publicly end up being therapeutic practices in the long run. Please know that your supporters are out here thinking loving, admiring thoughts of you even when we can't catch every post! xoxoxo
Diana, it means so much to hear from you, and it's good to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts, though I wouldn't wish them on anyone else! Thank you for your encouragement. ❤️ I'm still fighting those first instincts, the oh god, what have I done ones, especially now hearing from so many people. But it feels like I'm supposed to accept them, as hard as that is, and keep working through them. I so wish there was a class on not taking your writing so personally. Maybe we need to pull that together??
Oh Kristi, first of all, I am proud that you published this post, and the last one, and all of them. I’ve been following your Substack for a while now, and the only reason I didn’t finish reading the last one (or liking it) was because it was (seemingly at a glance) husband focused, and that’s just not my life currently lol. Not because of the content, which I just read and felt such compassion for your position. It was a great post about the fears and uncertainties of marriage and life. It was honest and real. Just like this post. And yes, I do have those 3 AM thoughts sometimes. I think we all do when we’re being honest.
Thank you, Dana. You're right. I don't usually delve into the husband stuff. Lol. I appreciate you being here and sharing your kind words. And also I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one with the 3 a.m., although they aren't very pleasant.
But I liked reading about your husband in the post itself. When I finally read it in full!
😀
It's tough when we go out on a limb and write from the heart and don't get the response we were hoping for. As Joy V. said below, I believe the numbers are down all over Substack, I know mine are.
I just read your post from last week - thank you for sharing your most vulnerable thoughts❤️ What I felt while reading it was "this is huge", my heart ached for the place you were at as a couple because I've been in that situation. Not exactly the same, of course, but where he decides to do something that may not line up with where I'm at. Whether we want it to or not, this causes turbulence and introspection and when it's about something as big as how we are choosing to live our life....it's a huge deal.
Times like this suck even though it seems like they eventually lead us to greater clarity about ourselves. I don't know if this makes any sense but I hope that your husband's decision to go will eventually lead you to an even deeper understanding of yourself.
It’s so hard when we feel like we’re the only ones going through something, but then it’s so so good to hear from others who’ve walked in our shoes… or similar shoes. You’re so right. It felt huge, but writing it and sharing it has allowed me to process it in an entirely different way. And it’s allowed me to have a deeper, more thoughtful conversation about this.
I love it when writing helps us think straight, it sure does that for me.
I understand that cracked wide open and exposed feeling but I'm here to say your readers lack of engagement wasn't a reflection on you. There's so much going on right now especially in US everyone is spacey and distracted. Keep doing what you're doing. You're still making a difference even if people don't have time or inclination to comment. I'm glad I caught this article in my inbox while I catch up on everything I've missed myself.
Thanks, Shelby! It's good to hear from others publishing here. There IS so much going on. It feels like people's nervous systems are worn down, mine included. I appreciate you stopping by!
Kristi- I read your posts every week and every week something resonates with me. Last week I was thinking about my own experience regarding my health/dieting/eating habits etc. George is incredibly positive about my body, my weight etc. But sometimes I feel like it is to my detriment. Whenever I am trying to be healthier he encourages me to eat things I am trying to limit or eat in moderation. (I do not restrict anything but try to make healthy eating choices most of the time) In one way it is so nice to be with someone who is so encouraging and non judgemental but other times I feel like it is because he doesnt want to make any changes or rather doesnt want my changes to effect him. I know I am the only one I can count on to be healthy and reach fitness goals but I sometimes wish my partner was more aligned so that it would help hold me accountable.
A lot of my goals now how to do with my health rather than looking a certain way, being a certain size etc. Although I still sometimes suffer from deep rooted self loathing due to my weight. My mom has always been someone who is very critical of people who are overweight and has always been rather petite. Not just thin but "smaller" than me- smaller, shorter, less of as chest etc... When I stand next to her I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. I still swoon when she says I look good or that I look like I have lost some weight. Its like that is the only validation that means something coming from her. Unfortunately that then makes we worried the next time I see her if she thinks I am heavier or not... It is definitely something I cam cognizant of and am working on but that worry runs deep.
Olivia, thank you for sharing this. It means so much to hear this from you. ❤️ I'm really glad to hear it's resonating. This body image stuff is so, so hard. Someone else I follow wrote yesterday about how much harder the body image work is than the food work. That might not be true of everyone, but I feel like it's so hard when we're battling the societal pressures, but then most of us also have the generational trauma that's been passed down and passed down. It makes me that you've got such a supportive partner. It really just makes life so much richer.
Hey Kristi - another great post. Wanted to share that I had almost 0 engagement with my post last week (and I thought I was being so clever!)...
I think everyone is exhausted. I know I am. I'm reading about gardening and cookbooks with pretty pictures in attempt to give my soul a rest from all of the ugly lately.
So... as the cliche goes... it's not you, it's us.