Kristi, I know why your journey through intuitive eating resonates with me so much. You've discarded the shackles that society tries to put on you, and this is exactly what punk rock was for me: awakening, realizing that I was a prisoner to expectations I really didn't give any shits about. Those expectations are oppressive and stifling. Kate, your conversation helped me see this! You and Kristi are two punks (in a very good sort of way).
It makes me so happy to read this. This putting yourself out there and having the courage to stand up for the things that are wrong is not for the weak, and I've only had the smallest little taste of what Kate has experienced! I put myself in Kate's shoes in reading this book and wondered how I would feel doing interviews and press for a book that is certainly going to have it's share of critics finding whatever kind of fault with your points that they can. Attacking appearance is a cheap shot, and most people see through it, but I imagine it hurts just the same.
100%. The way I got through this was to flip the script on its head, deliberately wearing unfashionable, unflattering clothing as a practice. Of course, being provocative was part of the puzzle too: I did not want to quietly join society, but instead to stand apart from it as a symbol of things wrong with social norms.
In other words, the fear of criticism became a strength. Initially, I had to confront why I felt that fear. Once I realized why, it was considerably easier to just have green hair with a safety pin through my eyebrow or whatever. Once the appearance thing was tackled, it was easy to push back against any and all other social norms I found lacking.
I had been saving this email to read when I had time to focus, which has led me on a little journey to, if not now, when. As you know, I am in the Eating Disorders world, and your writing is challenging me in a helpful way. I have carried a fear of fatness since childhood, surrounded by a family I considered overweight, I vowed not to do that to myself. I have walked the line of 'healthy' my entire adult life. Whilst I wouldn't claim to diet, you and our daughter are clearly pointing to my rules, and I am not sure I know how to navigate without them. Thank you for the challenge. I feel like I have more reading and unfolding to do, starting with unshrinking.
Thanks for doing this review and highlighting this book. I hadn’t heard of it and I’m definitely looking forward to adding it to my reading list for 2024.
As for your question about how we dismantle internalized fat phobia, I don’t know. I think learning and subsequently rejecting the cultural influences are vital. But I also like what Andrew is talking about above. That we need to examine our fears and from there we can make different choices.
I also believe that until we have a major cultural shift we have to keep practicing rejecting our internalized beliefs by not acting on them.
You’re so right as always. We are going to always bump up against societal pressures, and then have to make deliberate decisions around how we’re going to handle them. One of the biggest challenges, though, is that most people aren’t aware of the societal machinations that are driving individual behavior. That’s why “Unshrinking,” books like it and the work you are doing are so important.
Yes I agree! I think we’ve spoken about this too, but even in my work, I feel it hasn’t been until the last 6-7 years that there’s been such an influx of books that really looks at the cultural influences and from different angles too. And we have to keep talking about it!
Kristi, I know why your journey through intuitive eating resonates with me so much. You've discarded the shackles that society tries to put on you, and this is exactly what punk rock was for me: awakening, realizing that I was a prisoner to expectations I really didn't give any shits about. Those expectations are oppressive and stifling. Kate, your conversation helped me see this! You and Kristi are two punks (in a very good sort of way).
It makes me so happy to read this. This putting yourself out there and having the courage to stand up for the things that are wrong is not for the weak, and I've only had the smallest little taste of what Kate has experienced! I put myself in Kate's shoes in reading this book and wondered how I would feel doing interviews and press for a book that is certainly going to have it's share of critics finding whatever kind of fault with your points that they can. Attacking appearance is a cheap shot, and most people see through it, but I imagine it hurts just the same.
100%. The way I got through this was to flip the script on its head, deliberately wearing unfashionable, unflattering clothing as a practice. Of course, being provocative was part of the puzzle too: I did not want to quietly join society, but instead to stand apart from it as a symbol of things wrong with social norms.
In other words, the fear of criticism became a strength. Initially, I had to confront why I felt that fear. Once I realized why, it was considerably easier to just have green hair with a safety pin through my eyebrow or whatever. Once the appearance thing was tackled, it was easy to push back against any and all other social norms I found lacking.
I had been saving this email to read when I had time to focus, which has led me on a little journey to, if not now, when. As you know, I am in the Eating Disorders world, and your writing is challenging me in a helpful way. I have carried a fear of fatness since childhood, surrounded by a family I considered overweight, I vowed not to do that to myself. I have walked the line of 'healthy' my entire adult life. Whilst I wouldn't claim to diet, you and our daughter are clearly pointing to my rules, and I am not sure I know how to navigate without them. Thank you for the challenge. I feel like I have more reading and unfolding to do, starting with unshrinking.
Ruth, I'm here for you and would be happy to chat offline if you ever need the support.
Thank you. I feel a slow unfolding and I would be curious to have a chat some time if that is feasible.
Thanks for doing this review and highlighting this book. I hadn’t heard of it and I’m definitely looking forward to adding it to my reading list for 2024.
As for your question about how we dismantle internalized fat phobia, I don’t know. I think learning and subsequently rejecting the cultural influences are vital. But I also like what Andrew is talking about above. That we need to examine our fears and from there we can make different choices.
I also believe that until we have a major cultural shift we have to keep practicing rejecting our internalized beliefs by not acting on them.
You’re so right as always. We are going to always bump up against societal pressures, and then have to make deliberate decisions around how we’re going to handle them. One of the biggest challenges, though, is that most people aren’t aware of the societal machinations that are driving individual behavior. That’s why “Unshrinking,” books like it and the work you are doing are so important.
Yes I agree! I think we’ve spoken about this too, but even in my work, I feel it hasn’t been until the last 6-7 years that there’s been such an influx of books that really looks at the cultural influences and from different angles too. And we have to keep talking about it!
Thank you for this generous and smart review! I truly appreciate it ❤️
Thank you for doing the hard work in writing and researching the book and putting it out there for the world to read.
🙏❤️