Oh, I'm feeling this right now, too. I'm learning what it looks like to have a relationship with food where weight loss, or even weight maintenance, doesn't have to be the goal. Where every spoonful of peanut butter eaten straight from the jar is a tiny rebellion against diet culture. Where I'm no longer afraid to update my Substack photo with a newer, physically heavier (but spiritually lighter) version of me (still working on that last one, but hey, we're all works in progress).
Hi Kristi, Sitting with the feelings can be so difficult, but sometimes that's what it takes to get past them. so I am told. I hope that happens for you as well.
Kristi I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing such a deep piece. It helps each of us feel less alone regardless of the struggle we are currently facing.❤
Thank you for letting people like me see behind this dark curtain. As someone who has his own issues with food and eating, this kind of peek is very helpful! And, you are very much not alone. We have your back.
I am in such admiration of you Kristi. Of your awareness. Of your honesty. Of your determination not to be defined by your size. I'll be honest, too much weight hasn't been much of an issue for me and yet I feel a strong connection to your posts.
You mentioned, last week I think, that there is no scientific evidence that being over-weight makes you less healthy. I remember seeing a research project quoted on the BBC years ago that said, in fact, it is healthier to be a little over weight. I was a nurse at the time responsibe for health promotion. So over weight is not in fact over weight is it? It's ideal weight!
The only time I really put on weight was 3 years ago when it piled on rapidly and was accompanied by severe connective tissue pain and I found myself hobbling around the house instead of going on long walks in nature. Turns out it was because of my digestive issues and inflammation. At that point I had to strip back my diet in order to drastically reduce any potentially inflammatory foods. Then the weight fell off as rapidly (and too much) as it had come on and I was and still am left with a healthy but very restricted and really boring diet. Gradually I am putting weight back on which is such a relief.
It all started when my youngest was diagnosed with dairy allergy. I was breast feeding and had to adjust my diet. Then we found he had other food allergies so I had to stop having those too. After a few years I started to feel fatigued and nauseous. What followed was years of messing about with my diet, frustration and impatience to get better. So I never recommend anyone dieting and doing any kind of extreme diet.
I have friends and family of all shapes and sizes, many of whom have dieted but I never see a person's size. Just like I never see a person's colour ( sorry if that's a non PC way of describing it??). What I see is a person. I want to connect. I want to interact. I want to get to know that person. Laugh and play with that person.
I have been thinking a lot about Intuitive Eating too. How do people do that? Why can't I?
I love the idea of it but I can't feel into it. I now know that this is because I have been too shut down. I have suppressed myself so much that I can not feel. This is something I am remedying but it takes time. I am at the stage now where I know day to day whether I need to eat 2 meals or 3. They are good sized meals so don't be concerned. 😉 I don't think, from my experience and training, that people with bodies with unresolved trauma, disregulated nervous systems and illness are going to be able to eat intuitively.
I don't really care what my body looks like these days. I just want to FEEL well and vibrant and be agile and flexible. It's all about how I feel. Maybe we should stop looking in the mirror? A girl I was at school with who was short and round was the best gymnast in her year!
I love how you process this through. Noticing your feelings. Sitting with them. Writing about them here. And STILL refusing to go down the road that's expected. Yay! I want to come and give you a big hug! Tell you you're not on your own. You're being of great service and starting a Revolution here to not be bullied into another person's idea of the 'perfect' body/figure and taking drugs that will no doubt do more harm than good in the long run.
Feeling thin does not FEEL good. And being on diets is just another way of depriving ourselves and telling ourselves that we're 'not good enough' just because of societal pressure to be perfect weight, size, shape according to someone else's ideas of that that means.
I am sending you love and hoping you continue to be the brave warrior that you are and shining alight on this topic for us and for all the generations to come. 💜
I feel your love in this post and thank you for this. It's been so wonderful to be surrounded by so much positivity and support here in this community.
You're right. Intuitive eating doesn't work for every body, especially those with unresolved trauma and for many people with histories of eating disorders (for some, it would be especially dangerous). So, it works for some, not for all. But even if doesn't work for you, there are still non-diet approaches that can work.
I love that you are focused on feeling well and vibrant versus on your appearance.
And that study you referenced was well-researched and corroborated by similar data from many other studies. I remember reading about it when it came out, too. Unfortunately, many within the research and nutrition community didn't want to accept those findings and went after the lead researcher, a woman, personally attacking her physical appearance (yes, her body size) as well as her findings. Virginia Sole-Smith covers this more in depth in her book "Fat Talk." It's pretty incredible but also not surprising.
It's those daily things that only you know the difference, how your clothes fit and the ways your bike gets worn down. Our relationship with food and all the messages we've been fed:-) It's like an ongoing conversation in our head.
I felt that sense of betrayal when Rebel Wilson lost weight. I was especially triggered when she called it her "year of health." Even though she may have made "healthy" lifestyle changes that resulted in weight loss for her, using those terms continues to perpetuate the stigma that weight = health, which, of course isn't true. Health = health. Moreover, health isn't always in people's control. Neither, of course, is weight loss. I take one of those so-called weight loss drugs, Mounjaro, for my type 2 diabetes. But while it helps with my blood glucose, I haven't lost a single pound. (I also took Ozempic, and the side-effects from that one put me in the hospital. I wrote about that for Healthline.) The fine print with both Ozempic and Mounjaro is that most people only lose an everage of 12 pounds. "Average" meaning some lose more, but some also loose less. Plus, Novo Nordisk's (the makers of Ozempic) own studies show that even when you stay on the drugs, weight rebounds at the 2-year mark, even when you stay on the drug. Both of these factors underscore that those side-effects (and the fact that you have to keep dealing with those side-effects forever) — oh, and the exorbitant price! — show that taking these drugs is not at all worthwhile. (Except, of course, for those of us with type 2 diabetes whose blood glucose is actually helped by them, irrespective of weight. But, unfortunately, diet culture has put our diabetes drugs in high-demand, which has driven up the prices for us.)
I took note of how you said “I feel fat.” It’s something I say, too. Fat as a feeling. I wish it wasn’t so internalized as an emotional state.
You’re right. That’s such an interesting observation and one I had not snapped to!
Oh, I'm feeling this right now, too. I'm learning what it looks like to have a relationship with food where weight loss, or even weight maintenance, doesn't have to be the goal. Where every spoonful of peanut butter eaten straight from the jar is a tiny rebellion against diet culture. Where I'm no longer afraid to update my Substack photo with a newer, physically heavier (but spiritually lighter) version of me (still working on that last one, but hey, we're all works in progress).
Hi Kristi, Sitting with the feelings can be so difficult, but sometimes that's what it takes to get past them. so I am told. I hope that happens for you as well.
Janice, I do think a big part of this work is learning how to sit with uncomfortable feelings.
Kristi I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing such a deep piece. It helps each of us feel less alone regardless of the struggle we are currently facing.❤
Thank you, Donna. I appreciate you sharing your bright light and support here. ❤️
Good morning I struggled with The NY Times article too. And still am struggling
Thanks for sharing, Susan. I’m curious if you’re struggling with the same reasons as me or something else?
Yes. The same reasons. You put it really well
Thank you for letting people like me see behind this dark curtain. As someone who has his own issues with food and eating, this kind of peek is very helpful! And, you are very much not alone. We have your back.
I appreciate you sharing that and your support here all these months. I don’t have as much insight into the male perspective on this.
Ha! Me neither... but I'm learning.
Slooooowly.
Sending big big hugs across the pond. This IS hard. Because healing in a world that glorifies thinness at all cost makes it so.
Lots of love to you.
Thank you so much, Linn! You always say just the right thing!
I am in such admiration of you Kristi. Of your awareness. Of your honesty. Of your determination not to be defined by your size. I'll be honest, too much weight hasn't been much of an issue for me and yet I feel a strong connection to your posts.
You mentioned, last week I think, that there is no scientific evidence that being over-weight makes you less healthy. I remember seeing a research project quoted on the BBC years ago that said, in fact, it is healthier to be a little over weight. I was a nurse at the time responsibe for health promotion. So over weight is not in fact over weight is it? It's ideal weight!
The only time I really put on weight was 3 years ago when it piled on rapidly and was accompanied by severe connective tissue pain and I found myself hobbling around the house instead of going on long walks in nature. Turns out it was because of my digestive issues and inflammation. At that point I had to strip back my diet in order to drastically reduce any potentially inflammatory foods. Then the weight fell off as rapidly (and too much) as it had come on and I was and still am left with a healthy but very restricted and really boring diet. Gradually I am putting weight back on which is such a relief.
It all started when my youngest was diagnosed with dairy allergy. I was breast feeding and had to adjust my diet. Then we found he had other food allergies so I had to stop having those too. After a few years I started to feel fatigued and nauseous. What followed was years of messing about with my diet, frustration and impatience to get better. So I never recommend anyone dieting and doing any kind of extreme diet.
I have friends and family of all shapes and sizes, many of whom have dieted but I never see a person's size. Just like I never see a person's colour ( sorry if that's a non PC way of describing it??). What I see is a person. I want to connect. I want to interact. I want to get to know that person. Laugh and play with that person.
I have been thinking a lot about Intuitive Eating too. How do people do that? Why can't I?
I love the idea of it but I can't feel into it. I now know that this is because I have been too shut down. I have suppressed myself so much that I can not feel. This is something I am remedying but it takes time. I am at the stage now where I know day to day whether I need to eat 2 meals or 3. They are good sized meals so don't be concerned. 😉 I don't think, from my experience and training, that people with bodies with unresolved trauma, disregulated nervous systems and illness are going to be able to eat intuitively.
I don't really care what my body looks like these days. I just want to FEEL well and vibrant and be agile and flexible. It's all about how I feel. Maybe we should stop looking in the mirror? A girl I was at school with who was short and round was the best gymnast in her year!
I love how you process this through. Noticing your feelings. Sitting with them. Writing about them here. And STILL refusing to go down the road that's expected. Yay! I want to come and give you a big hug! Tell you you're not on your own. You're being of great service and starting a Revolution here to not be bullied into another person's idea of the 'perfect' body/figure and taking drugs that will no doubt do more harm than good in the long run.
Feeling thin does not FEEL good. And being on diets is just another way of depriving ourselves and telling ourselves that we're 'not good enough' just because of societal pressure to be perfect weight, size, shape according to someone else's ideas of that that means.
I am sending you love and hoping you continue to be the brave warrior that you are and shining alight on this topic for us and for all the generations to come. 💜
Karen,
I feel your love in this post and thank you for this. It's been so wonderful to be surrounded by so much positivity and support here in this community.
You're right. Intuitive eating doesn't work for every body, especially those with unresolved trauma and for many people with histories of eating disorders (for some, it would be especially dangerous). So, it works for some, not for all. But even if doesn't work for you, there are still non-diet approaches that can work.
I love that you are focused on feeling well and vibrant versus on your appearance.
And that study you referenced was well-researched and corroborated by similar data from many other studies. I remember reading about it when it came out, too. Unfortunately, many within the research and nutrition community didn't want to accept those findings and went after the lead researcher, a woman, personally attacking her physical appearance (yes, her body size) as well as her findings. Virginia Sole-Smith covers this more in depth in her book "Fat Talk." It's pretty incredible but also not surprising.
Kristi
It's those daily things that only you know the difference, how your clothes fit and the ways your bike gets worn down. Our relationship with food and all the messages we've been fed:-) It's like an ongoing conversation in our head.
I felt that sense of betrayal when Rebel Wilson lost weight. I was especially triggered when she called it her "year of health." Even though she may have made "healthy" lifestyle changes that resulted in weight loss for her, using those terms continues to perpetuate the stigma that weight = health, which, of course isn't true. Health = health. Moreover, health isn't always in people's control. Neither, of course, is weight loss. I take one of those so-called weight loss drugs, Mounjaro, for my type 2 diabetes. But while it helps with my blood glucose, I haven't lost a single pound. (I also took Ozempic, and the side-effects from that one put me in the hospital. I wrote about that for Healthline.) The fine print with both Ozempic and Mounjaro is that most people only lose an everage of 12 pounds. "Average" meaning some lose more, but some also loose less. Plus, Novo Nordisk's (the makers of Ozempic) own studies show that even when you stay on the drugs, weight rebounds at the 2-year mark, even when you stay on the drug. Both of these factors underscore that those side-effects (and the fact that you have to keep dealing with those side-effects forever) — oh, and the exorbitant price! — show that taking these drugs is not at all worthwhile. (Except, of course, for those of us with type 2 diabetes whose blood glucose is actually helped by them, irrespective of weight. But, unfortunately, diet culture has put our diabetes drugs in high-demand, which has driven up the prices for us.)