Mid-Life Makeover: Italy and Greece Edition
I'm headed on vacation and pondering the big questions: What's my life's purpose? Where is the best mountain biking? Will I do like the Italians and finally fully embrace my body?
My friends, I want to share a moment of thanks. Since my last post, this little newsletter crossed a milestone. I now have 710 of you here, which is pretty amazing considering I started with zero subscribers a little over a year ago! I didn’t promote this newsletter at all the first six months, because it felt quite vulnerable to get so personal. I’m still finding my way here, but I am so grateful you’ve joined me on this journey. I may not post while I’m on vacation, so please don’t worry if you don’t hear from me.
I’m gearing up for the longest vacation of my life, and I’m hoping to find my life’s purpose and more appreciation for my body in Italy and Greece.
That’s a lot to ask of one family vacation (Hubs and two of our kids are also going), but there’s one thing I won’t be worrying about: swimsuits that fit.
My saggy suit was the running joke of our last vacation, and after I came back I determined I would find better-fitting suits and buy my first UPF sun shirts. As active as I am, it's crazy that I didn’t yet own a million of them. Now I have two, which I have tested out on a few mountain bike rides in crazy high temps. We’ve already hit 95 in Texas, y’all! That’s 35 in Celsius for those of you in other parts of the world.
Finding suits at my size is not as easy as you would think. I’m in that weird in-between space, where I can sometimes still wear straight sizes, but sometimes not. Same with the extended sizing. For the suits, I tried a few high-end (read: expensive) brands that specialize in plus-size suits. They weren’t at all fun or sexy (yes, we larger gals still want a little spice), so I sent them all back and ended up going with three matching tops and bottoms from Target in the standard XL. Now I’ve got fun cuts and colors and no sag!
Finding Body Acceptance in Italy
Every time I read about someone finding body acceptance in any place that’s not America, I’m sooooo hopeful. This is what happened before we went to St. Lucia. I read this Lonely Planet article about this American woman who gained the confidence to wear bikinis for the first time in her life while visiting the Caribbean, and it got my hopes up that I, too, would find newfound acceptance for my body. It didn’t quite work out that way, and I ended up being less kind with myself than I should have been.
But here I am again feeling this same hope with Italy. Dietitian Patricia Jakubec, whom I’ve featured on this newsletter in my series Dared to Ditch, talks often about how the women of Italy and their lack of preoccupation over their bodies helped her make peace with her body and ditch diets for good.
For weeks, what I’ve been most pumped for on this trip is the food. Real pasta, rich gelato, pizza, espresso … all with higher-quality ingredients than anything we can get in the U.S. I’m here for it all, even the Nutella, which no longer holds the same sway over me as it used to. I’ve heard stories about people with gluten sensitivities going to Italy and being able to eat everything with no issue. In my former gluten-free, dieting life, if I had visited Italy, I would have spent most of the vacation feeling guilty about anything I ate. Now, I no longer view carbs or gluten—or my body—as the enemy. I plan to do as the Italians do and enjoy all of it.
But I want to be real too. If I needed to purchase any piece of clothing in my size—aside from shoes—I don’t think I could find it in Italy or Greece. This comes up a lot for me on vacation, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me, but I have started viewing it more wisely. In the early days of my diet recovery, I viewed it as a me and my body problem. Now I see it as a diet culture representation issue. It makes more sense in Europe, since most of the population isn’t as big as us Americans, but it still means I must pack everything I need.
Santorini Dreaming
As I mentioned, this will be the biggest vacation I’ve ever taken. Same for my girls too. They are major “Mamma Mia” fans, so I wanted to give them as much of the island experience as I could. For me that meant a longer stay in Santorini and a quaint villa instead of a modern hotel. I booked a historic villa in Oia, which supposedly has one of the island’s largest private gardens and is a quasi-sanctuary for stray cats, which the girls will love.
But I’ve seen the pics of Oia at sunset with tourists packed into the tiny cobblestone streets like cattle. I’ve read the horror stories of how hordes of tourists debark from cruise ships daily and overtake the tiny island, but I am really hoping since we’re going so early in June, it won't be that bad. I’m picturing daily early morning walks up and down cute cobblestone streets and lazy afternoons spent reading by the pool. And beaches and sun and boating and hiking. And, oh yeah, I just learned there’s mountain biking, so we’ll probably be doing that too.
There is also mountain biking along the Amalfi Coast, which is another one of our destinations, along with Rome, and it looks even more epic (picture: riding single track along the cliffs overlooking the ocean).
I’ve booked us a villa nestled into the cliffs on the outskirts of a small village outside the town of Amalfi. We’ve got nothing booked for our days here, but we’re planning to hike the Path of the Gods, visit the hidden Fiordo di Furore Beach (pictured above, just a few minutes from our rental), bike, take a day trip to Pompeii and otherwise explore the beaches, sea caves and shops.
In Rome, we’re staying close to the Spanish Steps, which I’m planning to take in from as many vantage points as possible, especially the early morning hours when it's calmer. We’ll do the major tourist spots, the Vatican, Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s Basilica and the Colosseum, but mostly I’m looking forward to just walking around and soaking up the atmosphere.
Finding Clarity in Italy
I alluded to this at the beginning of this newsletter. I may be the only person in the world who does, but I use vacations as mental resets to give me clarity on my life’s purpose.
At 49, I’m not sure I’m supposed to still be questioning what I’m doing with my life, but I am. My youngest begins high school this fall and my middle child heads away to college, and I find myself in transition. I’m supposed to know what to do with myself, but I don’t.
I spent so much of my life as the primary breadwinner, and sometimes the only breadwinner, but even before that I made it my life’s mission to never rely on another person to support me. And now, because of life circumstances, I have more options than I’ve ever had.
As I’m nearing two years working for myself, I’m asking big questions like … should I go back to working full time? In so many ways, it was a lot easier than the hustle of writing and marketing and promoting other people’s businesses plus your own at the same time. Part of me wonders whether I should stop doing marketing (other people’s marketing, that is) and focus on my writing. Another part of me wonders if I should just fully lean into being a full-time mom and start retirement early? Without a clear purpose, I worry I will end up creating more work for myself.
There are lots of things I think about doing in retirement, like …
Rowing (I’ve always wanted to do this, but haven’t)
Writing (this one’s a given)
Taking up the violin
Trying my hand at painting
Taking classes in creative writing and marketing
It’s that last item I find most telling. Although these two things have been part of my life’s work, I still want to go deeper with them, learn more, and perfect my craft.
And since I’m always trying to make meaning for myself in this big world, I’m looking forward to getting the fresh perspective that comes from taking time out of normal life and seeing how the rest of the world does it. My 10-Year Plan for a Remarkable Life involves Italy, so this feels like kismet.
These are all heady thoughts, but I’m still planning to enjoy every minute of this vacation and it’s time for me to get packing!
I’d love to hear from you and how you view vacations. Are they just for getting away or something deeper? Where are you headed this summer and what are you most looking forward to?
Related reading:
"At 49, I’m not sure I’m supposed to still be questioning what I’m doing with my life, but I am."
This resonated with me.
At 52 (almost 53), I now believe we all have different 'lives' to live at different ages and stages. I was single until I was 35, had kids in my late 30s and early 40s, and then left my full-time job to stay at home with my kids. My life at 42 would have been unrecognizable to my 32-year-old-self. And, at 52, I am 'starting over' as an immigrant in a new country. Not something I had planned on doing at all in my 40s. I think, many times, what we were doing in our earlier lives no longer fits the person we become. So we need to figure out a new plan.
I also think it is good to model for your children that your life is not 'finished' once you are older and you just go sit in a rocking chair and dole out advice to young people who are still living life. We can all have goals and dreams and fun things that we want at all stages of life.
This sounds like a wonderful break, Kristi, with a good mix of planned activities and rest time. For me, that’s most important in a holiday. I need time to just be.
My husband and I are heading to the south of France for a month in mid July. It will be a mix of holiday and a little working from there but we can’t wait to experience living in a different culture for a few weeks.
I’m sure your break will help to give you some time to ponder on those big questions and guide you in the direction that feels best for you.
Buona fortuna!