Plus size in paradise? Better pack everything you need

Welcome to Almost Sated, where I talk about what it’s really like to detox from diet culture in a world that’s still obsessed with thinness and share other people’s stories of quitting diets. There can be a lot of healing that comes from quitting diets, but there are still plenty of challenges, along the path to making peace with food and our bodies.

I just returned from spring break in Kauai with my husband and two youngest kids, where we soaked up the aloha vibes and gorgeous scenery. Like so many of our vacations, it was packed with outdoor adventures, including dramatic hikes, beach walks, a boat ride along the Napali Coast, and a doors-off helicopter tour of the island, which included a surreal visit inside the walls of volcano Mt. Waialeale, one of the wettest places on earth.

By now, I’ve written quite a bit about traveling in my now larger body. It seems I confront some sort of body image issue every time we go on vacation. And with each trip, as I move further into my diet recovery, I seem to uncover new insights. But, despite my quest to detox from diet culture, I don’t spend all of my vacation thinking about my body or lamenting my physical appearance. Far from it. I’m all about enjoying—and exploring—what each place offers. 

So I was surprised when toward the end of the trip as Hubs and I enjoyed a romantic sunset dinner at the Beach House Restaurant, which The Ultimate Kauai Guidebook called “the best oceanfront location on the island,” he asked me how I was feeling about my body. 

The last time we were in Hawaii was right before the massive fires that destroyed Lahaina. We stayed in Kaanapali, a three-mile stretch of sand on Maui that was once a retreat for Hawaiian royalty now mostly home to high-end resorts, and it seemed like everyone around me had a perfect body. 

A Love Note to Maui

Whether walking around our resort or the length of the beach, from the one end where we were staying to the prime snorkeling at Black Rock Beach, which we did a few times, I felt like the only fish out of water. Thankfully, we left and traveled the road to Hana, where we stayed a few days and enjoyed a more grounding experience. It was there that I confessed to one of my daughters, easily half my size, that I had been really struggling on the other side of the island. Me too, she said. “It was weird. I’m smaller than most people, and I felt uncomfortable in my body over there.”

While I would never wish that feeling on her, it was validating and eye opening, too.  

And since I’ve written a few times about body image issues while traveling, I’ve heard similar stories from many of you.

I’ve come to realize that travel, in and of itself, triggers body image issues for most women, regardless of body size. 

I think it’s a combination of wearing new clothes or clothes we haven’t worn in a long time or types of clothing we rarely wear. Unfamiliar places are also much more visually stimulating, so we’re more acutely taking in our surroundings. We do a lot more people watching, and for many of us, that naturally leads to comparison. 

For those of us still dieting, it’s often more of a head game. Because we’re often dieting ahead of time to look good on vacation (or our vacay pics), and then blowing the diet or officially going off of it when we get there. This then brings up feelings of shame and discomfort when we allow ourselves to eat and are not used to feeling our fullness, a key part of intuitive eating.

For people in larger bodies, there are additional stressors that people in smaller bodies never experience. The threat of aggression and outward fat phobia is real and especially common on airplanes and other confined spaces, where one size does not fit everyone. 

But, here’s the truth. I actually don’t spend more time obsessing about food and body feelings now than before I quit diets; quite the opposite actually. But because these kinds of thoughts are no longer the running background noise, I’m much more aware when I have them. In my dieting days, I had obsessive food and body thoughts all the time. I have no “food noise” now ever (it’s amazing how those thoughts go away when you allow yourself to eat), and most of the time I’m not thinking about my body. Except, it seems, in certain circumstances, like vacation. 

Now, I go into every trip expecting to face some sort of body image issue. Understanding that it’s normal and lots of people experience it has made it easier to deal with when it comes up, which it did on this trip.

“We’ve seen lots of different body types here,” Hubs said, after his initial question. I looked past him through the open glass doors in front of our dining table, past the restaurant’s perfectly manicured emerald lawn, where frazzled young moms carried unruly toddlers with no patience for sitting through fancy dinners, to the sinking sun over the ocean. After everything I’ve written about my experiences, he sees the world through my eyes, too. 

He was right. We saw more diverse body types on this trip. Also, sprinkled throughout our hotel, the stunning Grand Hyatt Kauai, along with tropical birds and picture-perfect, open-air windows to the ocean, was Hawaiian art, much of it depicting people in larger bodies, both fat and muscular. As I walked the length of the hotel each morning to breakfast, I stopped and studied different pieces. Earlier in my life, I didn’t realize how important this is, but representation really matters. 

So does finding clothes that fit. 

Somehow I had lost the matching bottom or top to most of my swimsuits, a fact I discovered upon packing the night before. I ended up packing swimsuits that were uncomfortable or just didn’t fit. And unfortunately one thing I’ve discovered living in a larger body and visiting high-end resorts is that you probably won’t find something in your size. 

The bathing suit shop at the Grand Hyatt included brands that typically only go up to a size 10 or 12. I saw a few larges that I assumed fit more like 8s. There were no XLs, but they wouldn’t have fit anyway. So what did I do? 

I walked around in my ill-fitting suits and vowed to remedy the issue when I got home. While visiting various shops with the girls, I searched for alternatives but refused to make a special trip to the only Target on the island. I was determined not to let that one thing impact my entire trip. That baggy and lumpy bikini became a source of amusement to all of us.

And a curious thing happened. Rather than internalizing the issue and blaming myself for my body size, which has been a reaction in the past, I had a big realization: The issue wasn't with my body but with the lack of representation. Because there were plenty of people in larger bodies at the resort, which surely should have warranted carrying a broader range of sizes. And this isn’t limited to Hawaii. This problem of limited sizing seems to persist almost everywhere we go, but particularly at higher-end resorts.

In the end, we had a glorious trip. I’m not really an island girl, but I would love to spend more time in Kauai, especially as I enter this more mindful, slower-paced place in life. I took my first tai chi class and left feeling energized and grounded. 

Waimea Canyon

Rooster spirit guide

We did a couple of fantastic hikes, including the fairly challenging Waimea Canyon hike to Waipo’o falls. Hubs and my oldest daughter led most of the hike, which starts from the top of the canyon, while my youngest and I went slower so we could talk. On one of our stops, we befriended a rooster, who ended up serving as my daughter’s unofficial spirit guide for most of the descent. The big treat was a swing attached to a tree looking out into the canyon right before the trickiest part, a steep descent with loose rocks to reach the falls. 

Nepali Coast

Napali sea cave

The highlight of the trip was the boat tour of the Napali Coast, leaving from the smaller Kikiaola Harbor on the west side. This five-hour adventure was packed with action: dolphins racing alongside the boat, close encounters with sea caves along the cliffs (the waves were too high for entry, but our fearless Captain Super Dave, backed us in as far as he could so we could experience the rise and fall of these epic swells), and history lessons about the verdant cliffs and valleys that were once home to bustling fishing villages and sacred burial grounds for Hawaiian royalty. But the big show was the whale sightings. 

It was the tail end of whale watching season, and we had a few sightings. One unforgettable moment was when one curious whale approached our boat, glided underneath, and then breached right next to us. My photos fall so short in capturing this moment, but seeing that whale and then the awe on my children’s faces is something I will never forget. It was a transformative experience. 

With its blend of breathtaking landscapes, close encounters with wildlife, and moments of personal growth, Kauai reminds me there is beauty in diversity. I’m not yet where I want to be with my body liberation, but I carry with me from this trip not just memories of sunsets and sea caves but a reinforced commitment to live fully and to embrace myself with openness and compassion.