I’m learning to push back on guilt and remind myself that sleep is health—even though we’re taught to see rest as weakness and exhaustion as proof we’re enough.
Right now, instead of the question am I doing all I can? I'm being curious about doing what I'm able and aligns with my values and care for self.
I also am a privileged white woman and am determining how writing letters to my representatives, donating to charities that support human rights, climate, banned books, and all the other rights that are in peril impact the world.
In my mind, caring for me, getting rest, sharing my gift of words, holding space for others to write and journal their fears and desires, and loving my family tremendously is how I'm taking action.
I'm also more focused on rest. It has taken me years to love myself enough and be clear enough to understand how rest and loving me sends out more ripples of love, kindness, and compassion.
Sleep is imperative for me and always has been. I'm a really good sleeper, even in menopause. I'm a deep dreamer and so live, travel, and explore in my dreamworld just as much as in my waking life.
You've made me wonder if I can actively choose rest in my sleep, since sometimes after a busy night, I wake up unrested.
By holding space for us to answer these questions, you are doing something quite vital.
Janine, I love this response because it demonstrates how even though we may feel powerless, we often have way more ways we can take action. You shared a whole bunch here. I personally have gotten tremendous amount of satisfaction from volunteering with charities and nonprofits who are particularly impacted by what's happening right now.
The other thing that those of us here on this platform can do is keep writing about the topics that impact us, how we're feeling, how we're coping. In many ways, I see the work we do here as modeling for others.
Yes to the brain fog, crappy sleep, progesterone and feeling like I now (after never) have adhd. But I think it is not adhd but perimenopause symptoms that resemble adhd. At least i hope so. My hubby and so have adhd and if it turns out I do too, we are all in for it.
How do you experience adhd?
Mine is lack of motivation and time management is total crap.
Memory and word recall reminds me of when I was pregnant and had pregnancy brain.
On top of it, I have POTS that I am trying to manage.
So yes the morning fatigue is real.
I use my smart watch to track my sleep so I know whether to push or pace the next day.
I've switched to half-caf so that I don't trick my body into thinking it has energy it doesn't.
Perimenopause is so complex. And other underlying issues can be masked or overlapped by it.
I am recovering my adrenals and low thyroid as well through Naturopath medicine. It takes longer but no prescriptions or side effects from herbs and amino acids.
Have you looked into a Functional or Naturopath Dr?
Jess, thanks for sharing your experience. More and more I see just how powerful personal testimony is. Us sharing our own experiences provides clarity, support and validation to others traveling the same or similar paths.
Your ADHD symptoms mimic mine. I, too, often think of the parallels between what I'm going through now and pregnancy. I remember distinctly forgetting the word tooth paste and having to mimic brushing my teeth with my finger. I've also noticed my time management has worsened. Lack of motivation too, although in my case, I needed to be less motivated about certain things, so that isn't a total negative.
But I also have this trait that's been there for a longer time, probably forever, that tracks with inattentive ADHD (and it can be there with autism and trauma too). I have the exceptional ability to tune out others and hyper focus.
I was at bookstore the other day with my daughter. We were in the checkout line for what seemed like forever and finally made it up to the cashier. She asked how we were doing and then gave us a real response when I asked her the same. She said she would be great, except the alarm at the front door keeps going off. She was visibly shaking.
I hadn't even heard it. My daughter said something like how could you not have heard it, it was so loud, there was an automated speaker with it, that other woman who came through was going to take customers, but instead was told to go turn off the alarm. But I was in my own little world, actually in a pretty negative thought spiral, and didn't see or hear anything.
This trait, more than anything, is why my family asked me to get tested. It's helpful to me at times, but it can be really hurtful when I do it with loved ones. I know I'm getting a little off track, but this has been a sort of defining trait for me all my life that lends credibility to the ADHD diagnosis. And it did become more pronounced the last few years with all the other symptoms.
You're right, perimenopause is so complex in how it changes underlying symptoms.
I also have low thyroid and have a functional doc I've seen for years, who is totally fine going the traditional medicine route too. She doesn't know a ton about peri, unfortunately, but she is a great listener, isn't dismissive, and happy to refer on things she's not knowledgable in.
You are doing the biggest right thing by listening to your body. She's pretty good at letting you know what she needs. And sleep needs can change for all kinds of reasons. I used to be a complete night owl. Would get in bed around midnight and read until 1:00. Then I had hip replacement, knee replacement and a hysterectomy all in 2021. Obviously my body needed lots of rest that year. But my sleep patterns never went back to my "normal." Now I get in bed around 9:30 and read until 11:00 or so. Not a huge difference but a definite difference for me.
I've struggled with sleep for 10ish years (I'm 52). Initially, it seemed to be the result of overtraining after my cortisol numbers were in the basement. It improved somewhat with a complete change in physical activity (way less cardio) and a supplement to help regulate my adrenals, but it's still a struggle to stay asleep. Perimenopause is definitely a big factor now, and I'm going to speak to my gyno about HRT at my next appointment. Inability to sleep in a way that actually rejuvinates has such a trickle down effect in all areas of life. I totally resonate with your "doer" identity, as do most of the women I know. It is definitely a learned belief that productivity = worth. My mom stayed home with my siblings and me and she never sat during the day. Ever. If we were sick, she'd toss a gingerale and crackers on the coffee table and give us a pat on the head as she passed by the couch. We were loved and wanted for nothing, or so it seemed. Now what I realize is I craved undivided attention. I think I gave my kids more of that than I got, but looking back I wish I'd given so much more. I think one reason I fell in love with a movement practice was that even though initially it was born out of weight loss desires, it was one thing I would allow myself time for when my kids were little that was just for me. I think it was the only thing. Sitting and reading (which I love) felt unacceptable, but jogging or later training for this or that felt honorable. It's been a huge unraveling discovering these things and rewiring my brain and life around new beliefs. When I talk with women about their beliefs about productivity and it's links to worth, it's like a huge aha moment for them in almost every single instance. Thanks for the solidarity and for sharing insights that will certainly resonate with lots and lots of midlife women.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I love hearing from others who have had similar experiences.
I knew I couldn't be the only one on this topic, although I often feel like I took a lot of my behaviors to the extreme. I totally relate to not allowing yourself to read. That would have been something that I would do only after exercise. Effectively I had to earn it.
Oh my goodness, I know exactly what you’re talking about!! I started HRT at the beginning of February and hoping this will resolve the lack of sleep but also the lack of energy! I’m Having blood tests as I also think I’m low on iron levels. I’m just always tired. And the ADHD thing in Perimenopause, I am hearing so much more about recently. I follow a lady who has so much helpful advice on this, Gabrielle Treanor I think her name is. She’s also the author of a book called 1%wellness. I’ll see if I can find a link to her substack!
I hope HT ends up helping. It may take a little bit of time, but I saw improvement in sleep almost right of way. And I've pretty much had an iron deficiency my whole life. I need to test that now, as I'm getting way more variety now.
I don’t know how to send you a link on substack but hers is called The Haven @gabrielletreanor and the book might be called 1% wellness experiment actually. Brain fog!
Great questions and food for thought.
Right now, instead of the question am I doing all I can? I'm being curious about doing what I'm able and aligns with my values and care for self.
I also am a privileged white woman and am determining how writing letters to my representatives, donating to charities that support human rights, climate, banned books, and all the other rights that are in peril impact the world.
In my mind, caring for me, getting rest, sharing my gift of words, holding space for others to write and journal their fears and desires, and loving my family tremendously is how I'm taking action.
I'm also more focused on rest. It has taken me years to love myself enough and be clear enough to understand how rest and loving me sends out more ripples of love, kindness, and compassion.
Sleep is imperative for me and always has been. I'm a really good sleeper, even in menopause. I'm a deep dreamer and so live, travel, and explore in my dreamworld just as much as in my waking life.
You've made me wonder if I can actively choose rest in my sleep, since sometimes after a busy night, I wake up unrested.
By holding space for us to answer these questions, you are doing something quite vital.
I appreciate it and you!❤️
Janine, I love this response because it demonstrates how even though we may feel powerless, we often have way more ways we can take action. You shared a whole bunch here. I personally have gotten tremendous amount of satisfaction from volunteering with charities and nonprofits who are particularly impacted by what's happening right now.
The other thing that those of us here on this platform can do is keep writing about the topics that impact us, how we're feeling, how we're coping. In many ways, I see the work we do here as modeling for others.
Absolutely! Every action, positive thoughts, space held, and words shared has a ripple effect!
Imagine not having this platform right now to connect and support one another!
I honestly don't know where I'd be. Writing can be so isolating. I get so much joy connecting with fellow writers and readers.
Yes to the brain fog, crappy sleep, progesterone and feeling like I now (after never) have adhd. But I think it is not adhd but perimenopause symptoms that resemble adhd. At least i hope so. My hubby and so have adhd and if it turns out I do too, we are all in for it.
How do you experience adhd?
Mine is lack of motivation and time management is total crap.
Memory and word recall reminds me of when I was pregnant and had pregnancy brain.
On top of it, I have POTS that I am trying to manage.
So yes the morning fatigue is real.
I use my smart watch to track my sleep so I know whether to push or pace the next day.
I've switched to half-caf so that I don't trick my body into thinking it has energy it doesn't.
Perimenopause is so complex. And other underlying issues can be masked or overlapped by it.
I am recovering my adrenals and low thyroid as well through Naturopath medicine. It takes longer but no prescriptions or side effects from herbs and amino acids.
Have you looked into a Functional or Naturopath Dr?
Jess, thanks for sharing your experience. More and more I see just how powerful personal testimony is. Us sharing our own experiences provides clarity, support and validation to others traveling the same or similar paths.
Your ADHD symptoms mimic mine. I, too, often think of the parallels between what I'm going through now and pregnancy. I remember distinctly forgetting the word tooth paste and having to mimic brushing my teeth with my finger. I've also noticed my time management has worsened. Lack of motivation too, although in my case, I needed to be less motivated about certain things, so that isn't a total negative.
But I also have this trait that's been there for a longer time, probably forever, that tracks with inattentive ADHD (and it can be there with autism and trauma too). I have the exceptional ability to tune out others and hyper focus.
I was at bookstore the other day with my daughter. We were in the checkout line for what seemed like forever and finally made it up to the cashier. She asked how we were doing and then gave us a real response when I asked her the same. She said she would be great, except the alarm at the front door keeps going off. She was visibly shaking.
I hadn't even heard it. My daughter said something like how could you not have heard it, it was so loud, there was an automated speaker with it, that other woman who came through was going to take customers, but instead was told to go turn off the alarm. But I was in my own little world, actually in a pretty negative thought spiral, and didn't see or hear anything.
This trait, more than anything, is why my family asked me to get tested. It's helpful to me at times, but it can be really hurtful when I do it with loved ones. I know I'm getting a little off track, but this has been a sort of defining trait for me all my life that lends credibility to the ADHD diagnosis. And it did become more pronounced the last few years with all the other symptoms.
You're right, perimenopause is so complex in how it changes underlying symptoms.
I also have low thyroid and have a functional doc I've seen for years, who is totally fine going the traditional medicine route too. She doesn't know a ton about peri, unfortunately, but she is a great listener, isn't dismissive, and happy to refer on things she's not knowledgable in.
We will all get through this life phase together and hopefully have made some true friendships by sharing our journeys.
You are doing the biggest right thing by listening to your body. She's pretty good at letting you know what she needs. And sleep needs can change for all kinds of reasons. I used to be a complete night owl. Would get in bed around midnight and read until 1:00. Then I had hip replacement, knee replacement and a hysterectomy all in 2021. Obviously my body needed lots of rest that year. But my sleep patterns never went back to my "normal." Now I get in bed around 9:30 and read until 11:00 or so. Not a huge difference but a definite difference for me.
I've struggled with sleep for 10ish years (I'm 52). Initially, it seemed to be the result of overtraining after my cortisol numbers were in the basement. It improved somewhat with a complete change in physical activity (way less cardio) and a supplement to help regulate my adrenals, but it's still a struggle to stay asleep. Perimenopause is definitely a big factor now, and I'm going to speak to my gyno about HRT at my next appointment. Inability to sleep in a way that actually rejuvinates has such a trickle down effect in all areas of life. I totally resonate with your "doer" identity, as do most of the women I know. It is definitely a learned belief that productivity = worth. My mom stayed home with my siblings and me and she never sat during the day. Ever. If we were sick, she'd toss a gingerale and crackers on the coffee table and give us a pat on the head as she passed by the couch. We were loved and wanted for nothing, or so it seemed. Now what I realize is I craved undivided attention. I think I gave my kids more of that than I got, but looking back I wish I'd given so much more. I think one reason I fell in love with a movement practice was that even though initially it was born out of weight loss desires, it was one thing I would allow myself time for when my kids were little that was just for me. I think it was the only thing. Sitting and reading (which I love) felt unacceptable, but jogging or later training for this or that felt honorable. It's been a huge unraveling discovering these things and rewiring my brain and life around new beliefs. When I talk with women about their beliefs about productivity and it's links to worth, it's like a huge aha moment for them in almost every single instance. Thanks for the solidarity and for sharing insights that will certainly resonate with lots and lots of midlife women.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I love hearing from others who have had similar experiences.
I knew I couldn't be the only one on this topic, although I often feel like I took a lot of my behaviors to the extreme. I totally relate to not allowing yourself to read. That would have been something that I would do only after exercise. Effectively I had to earn it.
Oh my goodness, I know exactly what you’re talking about!! I started HRT at the beginning of February and hoping this will resolve the lack of sleep but also the lack of energy! I’m Having blood tests as I also think I’m low on iron levels. I’m just always tired. And the ADHD thing in Perimenopause, I am hearing so much more about recently. I follow a lady who has so much helpful advice on this, Gabrielle Treanor I think her name is. She’s also the author of a book called 1%wellness. I’ll see if I can find a link to her substack!
Thank you for passing along the recommendation!
I hope HT ends up helping. It may take a little bit of time, but I saw improvement in sleep almost right of way. And I've pretty much had an iron deficiency my whole life. I need to test that now, as I'm getting way more variety now.
I don’t know how to send you a link on substack but hers is called The Haven @gabrielletreanor and the book might be called 1% wellness experiment actually. Brain fog!