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This was good to read! I have felt very similar at different times in my life, kind of reasoning that I'm not the best version of me, so I would always push for more more more. I don't know if I am ADHD as well, but this would hardly surprise me, and I know exactly what you mean about not letting anyone know they had an emotional impact on you.

I'm glad you're back(ish), and I'm here to remind you that a bunch of us here have your back, so if you need to take some time to figure this stuff out, I'm personally grateful to be included "behind the curtain." Well done, Kristi!

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Thanks, Andrew! It's good to be back, and it's good to have people here cheering me on. I feel grateful to be to count you as one of them.

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Jul 24Liked by Kristi Koeter

This was an exceptional post. Honest, open, true. I am fiercely proud of you.

“And enough is an important word here, because most of my life, I was driven by not enough mess. I’ve known it for years but only began to address it in the last two.”

This was the strongest line in a strong post.

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Thank you 🙏. I'm so incredibly blessed to have your support and belief in me.

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Kristi, That was an underlying issue my entire life and one that I still work on. Whether my parents meant to convey the message I wasn't good enough or not, they did - and I spent a lot of time and energy proving them wrong. It is about self-acceptance - and self-love as Louise Hay always said.

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Janice, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve struggled with this too. It seems like there are a lot of us who carry the weight of these negative beliefs with us throughout life, whether we’re aware of them or not, and they shape how we see ourselves. Recognizing it is a big first step.

I feel like a lot of it is steeped in generational attitudes toward children, and we have so much more knowledge now about how important those formative years are for establishing lifelong wellbeing.

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Hi Kristi, Your point regarding generational attitudes is well-taken. I watch my grandson and his wife raise their daughter who is two. There is no comparison between the message she is receiving and the one I got. Her family accepts her unconditionally and she already knows she is good enough. What a gift that is.

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It really is!

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Kristi, you’ve been missed! And with this, beautiful piece of writing, it seems that there’s been a lot going on “behind the curtain”. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with all of us.

Also the feelings of “not enough” is so common, and I don’t feel like we’re talking about it enough. Probably because it leaves us feeling so vulnerable and unprotected. And perhaps also because our not-enough-ness serves Capitalism so well. It makes us all into perfect Hungry Ghosts- consumers… Never satisfied.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with Tara Brach’s work, but it is very much centered on healing that sense of not enough. I’ve really benefited from her work and meditations.

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Thank you, Linn. I feel your warmth.

Tara Brach is my go-to for meditation, and her book Radical Acceptance has been a comfort and guide these last few weeks. It’s so easy to lose ourselves and our humanity in our “otherness,” but feeling alone is as human as the need for belonging.

I’m planning to write about this more, because not enoughness goes hand in hand with diet thinking. How many industries would be disrupted if we felt we were enough?

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Oh yes! I am here for that kind of disruption xx

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This is such a powerful shift," What I can say is that after years of knowing not enoughness was at the root of my suffering, but still not sure how to fix it, something has shifted. For the first time in my life, I feel I am enough versus knowing it logically. And there’s freedom in that." Feeling these beliefs in your body and about your body are some of the biggest transformations we can make. Such a vulnerable piece. I hope it was as healing for you to write it as it was to read it.

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I’m sure you’ve already investigated this or ruled it out, but worrying you have dementia in your late forties is a common sign of perimenopause. (Allegedly it gets better at some point as hormones stop freaking out). But that thought aside, I applaud your journey and self-reflection and wish more people would do the same 😄.

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Yes! A version of this included perimenopause as a possibility 😂. Brain fog is a very common symptom. I’ve also read that you don’t have to be in full blown menopause to start HRT, so that is something I’m exploring with my doc.

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Hi Kristi, Thank you for going public with this. Not enoughness has been my lifes journey until the last year when my Masters in Positive Psychology opened a well of selfcompassion self-acceptance and enoughness. Prior to that I was desparate for external validation and chased achievement to prove my worthiness. I wore hard work like a bage of honor. I now feel comfortable with both my brillaince and the millions of things that aren't in my zone of genuis. I honestly believe that the more each of us can play to our own strengths, the things that light us up and have us feel alive, the better the whole world will be.

I think this kind of sharing makes it easier for everyone. I appreciate your going through the rumble inorder for us to be able to read it and learn for ourselves.

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Also this was very strong. “Deep down we just don’t feel good enough the way we are. And there are as many coping mechanisms for not enoughness as there are feelings.”

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