Why we still don't talk about bodies at the holidays
Holiday meals don’t need side servings of body commentary. Here’s why we’ve stopped in my home and why you should, too.
‘Tis my now-annual reminder, since Thanksgiving and the unofficial start to the holiday season is upon us here in the U.S., that there’s no need for body talk this holiday season. Or any season, really.
As part of my holiday series, Gifts to Yourself: A Holiday Season of Letting Go, I’m exploring small, meaningful ways to bring yourself peace during a season that’s often anything but peaceful. Last week, I wrote about the gift of being unapologetically yourself. Today, it’s the gift of opting out of body talk. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more about the gift of sleep, the gift of a better relationship with your body, and other ways to let go of what doesn’t serve you.
Since I started writing about body and diet talk, there just isn’t as much of it in my life anymore. After supporting several loved ones through eating disorders, most of us in my household know that body talk is destructive, erodes self-esteem, can re-trigger eating disorders, and generally makes everyone miserable, so we just don’t engage in it. And it is blissful.
I know, I know. You may live in a household where it’s always open season for body talk. One or more of your family members engage in it on the reg, so it feels normal. And you might think it has no impact on you. Body talk. Diet talk. They’re just words, right? I used to feel this way too.
But after I got more educated on the subject, I learned that all body talk, even so-called positive body talk (aka when your Aunt Louise thinks she’s paying you a compliment), might actually be doing harm, and way more harm than you think. Ahead of holiday events and family gatherings, I used to dutifully send out emails to friends and relatives we didn’t see often with a list of dos and don’ts for supporting loved ones with eating disorders. At the top of those lists was not talking about diets or bodies.
It took a while, but finally, everyone got on board, and guess what? I discovered something really interesting. All these years, I thought I was doing a service for my loved ones, but I was the one who really benefited from it. It took me a while to put two and two together, but I finally realized, “Oh, the reason I find it so much more enjoyable to hang out with this person now is she isn’t constantly making comments about her body anymore, or anyone else’s!” It was a big aha. For years, I had been holding my breath before every encounter, waiting for the first body comment to drop. I hadn’t realized how much of an effect the toxicity had on me.
said it best in a recent post on body and food shaming:
“No one, and I mean NO ONE, enjoys being at the receiving end of these remarks. I mean, why would you enjoy it? It’s rude, and the point of spending time with loved ones is to relax and feel joy, so when the opposite feelings are being felt, it’s a letdown.”
Maybe you don’t feel like you have the option to address the antagonizing aunt or the in-laws talking about their latest weight loss scheme or how much success they’ve had on Ozempic. Maybe you’re the one, ahem, who’s doing the talking. I get it. I get it. These are tricky conversations in sometimes tricky, or even toxic, situations. And sometimes people mean well, they just don’t know better. Sometimes the negativity is so baked in, they don’t even know they’re doing it.
But here’s what I’ve learned: You can draw a line, even a quiet one. You can decide what kind of energy you’re bringing to the table and what you’re not willing to sit through, especially if it means protecting your own peace or someone else’s recovery.
Sometimes it’s a change of subject, a kick under the table, or a deep breath and a step outside. Sometimes, it’s sharing a link or having a conversation ahead of time that shifts the tone just enough.
This piece below, originally published in November 2023, is one of those conversation starters. I hope it helps.
Pass the pie, not the shame
It’s the season of reconnecting with friends, family, and acquaintances we haven’t seen in a while. It’s also that time of year when many of our “catching up” conversations center around food and body talk. Like clockwork, it creeps in, often as we’re passing the mashed potatoes, reaching for a slice of pie or grabbing a glass of something yummy.
I’d love to hear from you. What’s your experience with body or diet talk at the holidays? What’s helped you set boundaries or shift the conversation?
And if you think this message might help someone else navigate this season with a little more peace, please consider tapping the 💙 or sharing it. These conversations ripple further than you think!