Marital Status as a Key Determinant of Happiness

Thanks for reading Almost Sated, a newsletter about appetite and empowerment. I write about the messy process of detoxing from diet culture and the personal growth that comes from it. If you like what you’re reading, please consider subscribing and sharing! It’s free to join, and subscribing ensures you never miss a post.

On Mondays, I round up the most interesting reads and listens from the last week.

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I’m in a time of transition. It took me a few months to be able to see this for what it is, and I have fellow Substacker

Donna McArthur

of

The Bright Life

to thank for it. She picked a tarot card for her fellow readers a few weeks ago, and that card was so charged with personal meaning for me, it might as well have been made out of electricity. I suddenly realized what’s been up all these months. 

Transition. 

Amid all of this change is one thing that makes it infinitely more manageable. That is my husband. He’s not just my cheerleader. He’s the guy that gives it to me straight, calls me out when it’s needed and supports me unconditionally. In the last few weeks, as I’ve lived with this newfound awareness, I’ve felt such gratitude for him. 

And then this weekend, I came across this headline: 

To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career

It’s a bold claim to be sure, and the source is The New York Times op-ed columnist David Brooks. 

He argues that we Americans have our priorities all wrong. We’re so focused on career, that we’ve forgotten about marriage, which is a big mistake, he claims, because statistically speaking, marriage is the strongest differentiator between happy and unhappy people. 

“This is not just softhearted sentimentality I’m offering. There are mountains of evidence to show that intimate relationships, not career, are at the core of life, and that those intimate relationships will have a downstream effect on everything else you do.” —David Brooks

I want to stop here, because there is much more research out there on this topic, and most findings indicate that marriage doesn’t work out as favorably for women as it does for men, and of course, Brooks doesn’t mention that. Marriage has also been found to benefit women’s health only when the marriage is good. And, in many of these studies, marriage is correlated with happiness but is not necessarily the cause of it.

To be clear, I’m not arguing for or against marriage—to each her own—but I do feel such gratitude for mine. And I don’t think I could have gotten to this point any sooner in my life. 

Growing up in the era of second-wave feminism, I was always focused on career first. Marriage was not something I dreamed about or aspired to, although I always hoped to find my life partner. I never had that until I met my husband. 

In this stage of my life, marriage and partnership are what makes my life both manageable and complete. In the midst of my wild transition, in quitting and starting careers, losing and reclaiming myself, and working through extreme challenges, the thing I am most thankful for is having a loving partner. 

What about you? What are you currently grateful for?

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A Story About Inter-Size Solidarity and the Power of Twine

Virgie Tovar

writes about the simple act of borrowing a smaller friend’s bra to go hot tubbing, and the power of solidarity and body-size acceptance that comes from it. 

“I thought of the all times I’d bitten my tongue, desperately wanting to join in on the fun but too afraid to ask if I could borrow something that would make that possible - worried I’d stretch it out, break it, tear it, or just get outright laughed at for having the audacity to ask.” —Virgie Tovar

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A Big Fat No to Weight Loss Surgery for Kids

You may recall, several months ago, the American Academy of Pediatricians approved a series of treatments for higher-weight children, including gastric bypass surgery. 

Ragen Chastain

continues to dig into the studies that the AAP cited in making those recommendations, this time focusing on laparoscopic Roux-en-Y gastric bypass in adolescents with so-called morbid obesity.

The outcomes are terrifying. Those are my words, not hers.

These surgeries create a permanent malabsorptive state in the body, meaning that they leave their patients without the ability to get the nutrition they need from food alone, and post-surgery supplements are required for the rest of the patient’s life in order to avoid nutritional deficiencies. They also carry a high risk of needing additional surgeries.

“In just two years of follow-up, 15% of the subjects required additional surgeries: 6.2% for internal hernia, 7.4% for cholecystectomy due to symptomatic gallstone, one patient for adhesions. Four patients visited an emergency intake for non-specific abdominal pain.

In five years (and with incomplete follow-up due to attrition) four more subjects required surgery for ileus, two more for internal hernias, and two more had cholecystectomies.

Two of the subjects required two additional surgeries.” —Ragen Chastain

Additionally, 43 percent of the patients regained weight in year two. 

Can we let this sink in just a little bit? Our medical experts are recommending we subject higher-weight children to a surgery with permanent consequences for imperfect and shoddy results. 

As a parent, I am horrified.

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A Case of Ennui

One of my favorite new Substack discoveries is

Deborah Sloan

of

Days Like This with Deborah Sloan

, who is so good at capturing the vibe of midlife. She writes about an August affliction with ennui as she contemplates the results of a recent life change.

“September is coming at me thick and fast with its fancy talk of fresh starts and new beginnings and I feel strangely disconnected from it. I have no exciting plans or projects. I am not itching to get started on anything because I alone will have to start it and it is likely to be thwarted by the demands of others.” —Deborah Sloan

At some point, we’ve all been here, questioning life decisions but unsure of where to go and what to do next. August seems to be good for that.

But when did September become synonymous with starting over?

Everywhere I turn now, I’m seeing references to rebirth and restart now that it’s September. I support this, I really do, especially because fall is my favorite season, and it just makes sense, but how and when did this happen?

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Open Loops, the Opposite of Ennui

Steph Auteri

of

Thunder Thighs

writes about a different type of affliction. Not ennui but open loops, those “to-dos and in-progress items we carry around in our brains.”

Like too many tabs open in the browser (I count at least 40 tabs as I write this), too many open loops lead to melt down. 

“All those open loops tug at our attention, leaving us anxious and uneasy. They drain our energy. As they pile up, we become paralyzed, overwhelmed by everything there is to do.” —Steph Auteri

Steph shares her tips for tackling open loops, including making time for just-for-fun activities, which I wholly support.

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Calling All Diet Rejectors! I’d Like to Share Your Story

I am starting a regular feature where I share people's stories about what led them to quit dieting. Do you know someone—maybe it's you!—who would like to share their story? I will feature it here, along with bio and relevant links. Please email me at kristik @ substack.com.