Being vulnerable takes time and deliberate action. There is no final destination or magical point you get to and proclaim yourself forever brave. It’s something you cultivate and practice.
I love this and it resonated so well with me. I recently discovered ‘true vulnerability’. I always thought I was open as I’m a good listener and good at sharing AFTER I have analysed everything myself on my own. I realised my armor was doing all the work by my lonesome (as well as a good bout of people pleasing). I realised that this shutting off true vulnerability has cost me intimate relationships and an annoying attraction to emotionally unavailable people. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Oh, and also I sent you an email with my diet rejection story a while back, perhaps it landed in spam? Am loving your posts!
Armor. I call it putting up force fields and did it for the same you did. It is hard taking off the armor or lowering your force fields. It leads to being open to “attack” but also leads to rich relationships which are the most important part of life in my opinion.
Maybe that's a good little nugget of wisdom to explore for a future piece: you've gotta do YOU. You have to figure out which of these approaches resonate, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach, so maybe experimenting with a few different styles is how folks figure this out.
This is a very powerful post Kristi (and also thank you so much for the shout out😘). I recently read something, that I wish I could find again about allowing ourselves to be fully seen. To. Be. Fully. Seen.
OMG, how scary is that! For some reason those words resonated in me to a cellular level. I think I am trying to step into that now but it has taken so much work, so much (un)learning. It's absolutely worthwhile and I/we will never 'arrive'.
The beauty of the hardest fought battles is that we never forget what it took to get there. Your willingness to show up and be fully seen is inspiring.
I continue to be amazed by this because I feel like I am just fumbling along, especially online. In person, because I've been in clinicial practice, as well as teaching, for so long I feel like I can bring it and connect deeper but the rest is just me showing up and allowing the place for vulnerability and trying to be myself - so stumbling! But the thing is here on Substack I feel like I'm stumbling along with like minded, kind-hearted souls!
There’s so much to unpack here with your comment. I never really put two and two together about being shut off and attracting emotionally unavailable people, but that makes so much sense.
I will check spam and reach out to you! I did not get the email.
My go to armor has been people pleasing - for most of my life. Maybe, it's my age but my newer goal to be more "me." I also wanted to thanks for the shout-out.
I had another thought though….how do we get kids talking. How do we get them to not do the things we did like build up these giant walls? How do we teach them the value in vulnerability and the value in others?
I love this and it resonated so well with me. I recently discovered ‘true vulnerability’. I always thought I was open as I’m a good listener and good at sharing AFTER I have analysed everything myself on my own. I realised my armor was doing all the work by my lonesome (as well as a good bout of people pleasing). I realised that this shutting off true vulnerability has cost me intimate relationships and an annoying attraction to emotionally unavailable people. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Oh, and also I sent you an email with my diet rejection story a while back, perhaps it landed in spam? Am loving your posts!
Armor. I call it putting up force fields and did it for the same you did. It is hard taking off the armor or lowering your force fields. It leads to being open to “attack” but also leads to rich relationships which are the most important part of life in my opinion.
You have been such a strong role model for me, and I have such gratitude for your willingness to challenge me.
Excellent thought piece! I love the armor analogy, and agree completely that curiosity is the best remedy.
Also, going down "what's the worst thing that could happen" scenarios has helped me to take some bigger leaps over the years.
I feel like worst-casing situations are helpful for some people and can backfire for others, but I included it because Beene mentioned it.
You’ve got to know yourself and what works best for you!
Amen to this, couldn't have said it better.
Maybe that's a good little nugget of wisdom to explore for a future piece: you've gotta do YOU. You have to figure out which of these approaches resonate, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach, so maybe experimenting with a few different styles is how folks figure this out.
This is a very powerful post Kristi (and also thank you so much for the shout out😘). I recently read something, that I wish I could find again about allowing ourselves to be fully seen. To. Be. Fully. Seen.
OMG, how scary is that! For some reason those words resonated in me to a cellular level. I think I am trying to step into that now but it has taken so much work, so much (un)learning. It's absolutely worthwhile and I/we will never 'arrive'.
The beauty of the hardest fought battles is that we never forget what it took to get there. Your willingness to show up and be fully seen is inspiring.
I continue to be amazed by this because I feel like I am just fumbling along, especially online. In person, because I've been in clinicial practice, as well as teaching, for so long I feel like I can bring it and connect deeper but the rest is just me showing up and allowing the place for vulnerability and trying to be myself - so stumbling! But the thing is here on Substack I feel like I'm stumbling along with like minded, kind-hearted souls!
I feel like the writer’s life is isolating, and Substack is its own little culture. It’s nice to have like-minded folks in the space!
There’s so much to unpack here with your comment. I never really put two and two together about being shut off and attracting emotionally unavailable people, but that makes so much sense.
I will check spam and reach out to you! I did not get the email.
My go to armor has been people pleasing - for most of my life. Maybe, it's my age but my newer goal to be more "me." I also wanted to thanks for the shout-out.
This is a great read!
Thank you so much!
I had another thought though….how do we get kids talking. How do we get them to not do the things we did like build up these giant walls? How do we teach them the value in vulnerability and the value in others?
By modeling it. You’re already doing a great job at this. Being open and validating feelings. I’m sure there are direct ways of addressing it too.