Ready for your midlife moment?

7 subtle signs that you're ready to stop playing small and start living boldly.

Nov 21, 2024

Midlife has a way of sneaking up on you. I was reminded of that this week when my friend and fellow writer

admitted she doesn’t feel like she “belongs” in the midlife group. At 44—Linn’s age—I felt the same. I’m 49 now, and it wasn’t until the past few years, and especially the last six months as I’ve realized I’m in the throes of perimenopause, that I truly began leaning into this stage called midlife.

Gray-haired woman among the grasses in nature

Embracing my gray hair was my first definitive act of midlife rebellion. Not long after I said f**k it to diets after a lifetime of trying to shrink myself to an acceptable size, quit a brand-new job I thought I was going to be fired from—without having any idea what I was going to do next—and eventually abandoned my stable, professional career to pursue my dream of becoming a writer.

But it wasn’t all roses. I gained more weight than I’d ever carried, even during pregnancy, the same year Ozempic became the hottest buzzword in pop culture. Without stable work, I grappled with a crushing identity crisis—who was I if I wasn’t the boss or the breadwinner?—all while taking on more responsibilities at home, a role I had never identified with or aspired to. I took a few detours, tried on a few different hats, got a little too involved in other people’s businesses and eventually realized I had allowed myself to get off track from my own dreams. Again. And, yet, somehow I made it through, got even braver and bolder, despite the challenges, and discovered I was finally actually okay with myself. I might even love myself.

Looking back, I realize it wasn’t just the bold moves that made waves. Smaller, almost imperceptible shifts in my thinking paved the way for those larger acts of rebellion and liberation. Now I see that my caring less about what people thought, my random acts of rebellion, and even my bouts with brain fog were all interconnected. It was as if those early shifts had been quietly prepping me for the changes to come.

Today, I want to focus on those smaller, subtle shifts that signal you’re entering this new phase I’ve come to think of as midlife reclamation.

I was inspired by a recent post from

Andrea Hoffmann

, who identified six mindset shifts that marked her transition into midlife. Full disclosure: I’ve only read the first part of her post (the part not behind the paywall), so I haven’t yet learned what her shifts were. But just the intro was enough to get my wheels turning. While our first acts of midlife rebellion often differ (the varied responses to my discussion post this week confirmed it), there’s definitely common ground in how and even why we get there in midlife. And the physiological changes we go through during menopause may help explain why.

As women approach menopause, estrogen levels begin to decline—a biological shift signaling we’re no longer primed for procreation or nurturing babies. Because estrogen is linked to nurturing behaviors, its decrease is believed to ease the pressure many women feel to prioritize others’ needs over their own.

Neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine calls this “The Upgrade” (in her book by the same name)—“a phase of life we emerge into when we exit the hormonal war zone, finally able to see and be present to who we are, what we want, and how we want to live.”

Brizendine believes these physiological changes during midlife—particularly the drop in estrogen and the end of monthly hormonal fluctuations—pave the way for profound shifts in self-perception and priorities, empowering women to express themselves with greater authenticity and assertiveness. Whether you agree or not, this is often the time women wake up and discover they just don’t want to keep doing things the same old way. It’s in these moments of awakening that the first signs of a midlife reclamation begin to appear.

The early warning signs of your midlife awakening

What follows are the subtle early warning signs that you just might be ready for your midlife moment. Many of these were recurring themes for me, but one played like a broken record on repeat: It’s time to stop worrying about what others think and start living my dreams.

Now I should warn you, none of these shifts seem particularly radical. They’re the things we’re told we should be doing over and over again. But if you’ve been living a life of people-pleasing, putting everyone else first, worrying about what others think, and constantly measuring yourself against impossible standards, these can feel downright revolutionary. If you’ve felt a growing intolerance for BS and find yourself asking, “What’s the worst that can happen?” you might already be on the path.

Here are 7 subtle shifts in thinking that pave the way for midlife growth

You’re worn out from people-pleasing, and for the first time in your life, starting to realize that constantly putting others first isn’t sustainable.
You’re beginning to question social pressures and societal norms more deeply, feeling a growing urge to make your own rules.
You’re starting to realize that embracing the word “no” is both sanity-saving and an act of self-respect.
You’re done with the endless striving and comparison, and you’ve started to imagine what it might feel like to embrace yourself exactly as you are.
You’re questioning what success really means and whether your life aligns with your true values and passions.
You’re yearning for a life of meaning, purpose, and authenticity—and you’re done postponing your dreams for “someday.”
You’re beginning to listen to your inner voice after years of relying on external advice or validation.

If any of these signs are ringing true for you, take heart—you’re in good company. This is the season of life that brings us the chance to fully embrace who we are meant to be instead of who we think we’re supposed to be. But recognizing the signs is just the beginning.

The midlife reclamation happens when you’re open to it.

It’s wild to think about, but the good feelings in midlife grow like wildflowers when you nurture them. Resilient, untamed, beautiful in their own way—the older they get, the more deeply rooted and unstoppable they become!

In an upcoming post, I’ll share ways to step further into this transformation, with practical strategies for living boldly, setting empowering boundaries, and creating a life aligned with what you truly value. But in the meantime, I’d love to hear from those of you in the midst of your midlife moment. What were the earliest signs that change was afoot? Let me know!