I learned to let go of the obsession around not wasting food that my mother and grandparents instilled in me. The food is going into the trash either way. It does not need to pass through my body first. It's OK to throw away the food I'm finished with and there's no need to have a clean plate when I'm done eating. (childhood food trauma extraordinaire!)
Oooh, this is a good one. I know a lot of people really struggle to get out of the clean plate club, it was really drilled into a lot of us at an early age.
I have had so many rules over the years, mostly hidden in the guise of 'healthy' eating and kidding myself, that I was completely happy with how I was. The fact that I thought about food constantly didn't strike me as strange. Your letters have encouraged me to explore intuitive eating. I eat everything I fancy now when I fancy it. I don't get off on being hungry. I am still learning not to worry about the impact it may or may not have on my weight, but I am appreciating my body daily. Thank you for all you share.
Ruth, it makes me so happy to hear you've found my writing helpful and you're learning to appreciate your body. Truly. There is no better gift than to be able to help others feel just a little bit better about their bodies. And you should be celebrating because not getting off on being hungry is such a huge feat! We are so conditioned to just hit the bare minimum in terms of fueling our bodies and to fear the least bit of fullness. Those are all major signs of progress! The worry about weight is understandable and probably the last piece to fall in place, given how big of a deal it is culturally.
Not only have you influenced my personal journey, your work has also impacted the work I am doing. I now deliver the body project, which is an evidence-based programme proven to reduce the development of eating disorders. Learning about intuitive eating has helped to inform my delivery.
I appreciate this post a lot, and I gasped at your 10 mile morning of run, but also, I did my own (smaller lol) version of that, and continue to occasionally despite working against this strong tide. It’s work to continually remind ourselves that food and eating can and should be joyful not shameful. Hope you enjoy the heck out of that Mac and cheese!!
Yes!! I think a lot of us have our own version of this. You bring up a good point that I didn’t quite know how to work in, but might need to. The progress is what’s important, not that we’re doing it perfectly.
I “earned” my way right into full blown anorexia doing this. I decided I didn’t deserve to eat at all, because I was not small enough. I would never be small enough. I am still fighting these ideas. I am trying to accept my body as she is. She is a bit tattered after 30 years of that, but she kept me alive and continues to do so. I try to remember food is fuel and nobody has crises at the fuel pump (well, maybe about the price). She will tell me what kind.
Sending you big hugs, Shelly, for your strength and courage against the anorexia monster. We've battled it in our home, and it is an insidious, life-stealing illness that starts small and then takes over everything. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. While I wasn't ever diagnosed with an eating disorder, I spent many years battling my body for not being small enough. I wish someone—anyone—would have said to me, "Some bodies are bigger. Some bodies are smaller. Yours is fine just the way it is."
Coming up family Thanksgiving BLAHHHHH. I just had parathyroid surgery, and I asked SO to make me a step like in the circuit room at the gym. I now have enough energy to do stuff, and I liked the circuit room very much. We have a gym at home. He made it out of cinder blocks which I found cutely hilarious, so I shared this story with my mother.
Big mistake. HUGE.
She told my son that SO was having me use a stair stepper and I was to try to lose weight.
My son 👀👀👀😬😬😬😬😬 “I knew Dad would be dead if that were true, and I just talked to him. Also I know you don’t talk about weight loss or anything like that. So where did she GET this?????”
Being a few years into perimenopause, I’m beginning to surrender to just being in it. Eat mostly healthy but also understand that there are known and unknown factors working against us.
We understand women gain weight when they’re pregnant. Maybe we should be as accepting and nurturing for women in midlife??? We’re birthing another chapter of our lives!!!!
I think this is a pretty healthy way to view it. Having more acceptance and gratitude gives us more capacity to focus on the things most important to us.
YES!!! Letting go of the perfectionism is such a gift. It gets us out of the dieting mindset that often leads to spiraling behavior when we inevitably mess up.
I learned to let go of the obsession around not wasting food that my mother and grandparents instilled in me. The food is going into the trash either way. It does not need to pass through my body first. It's OK to throw away the food I'm finished with and there's no need to have a clean plate when I'm done eating. (childhood food trauma extraordinaire!)
Oooh, this is a good one. I know a lot of people really struggle to get out of the clean plate club, it was really drilled into a lot of us at an early age.
I have had so many rules over the years, mostly hidden in the guise of 'healthy' eating and kidding myself, that I was completely happy with how I was. The fact that I thought about food constantly didn't strike me as strange. Your letters have encouraged me to explore intuitive eating. I eat everything I fancy now when I fancy it. I don't get off on being hungry. I am still learning not to worry about the impact it may or may not have on my weight, but I am appreciating my body daily. Thank you for all you share.
Ruth, it makes me so happy to hear you've found my writing helpful and you're learning to appreciate your body. Truly. There is no better gift than to be able to help others feel just a little bit better about their bodies. And you should be celebrating because not getting off on being hungry is such a huge feat! We are so conditioned to just hit the bare minimum in terms of fueling our bodies and to fear the least bit of fullness. Those are all major signs of progress! The worry about weight is understandable and probably the last piece to fall in place, given how big of a deal it is culturally.
Not only have you influenced my personal journey, your work has also impacted the work I am doing. I now deliver the body project, which is an evidence-based programme proven to reduce the development of eating disorders. Learning about intuitive eating has helped to inform my delivery.
I appreciate this post a lot, and I gasped at your 10 mile morning of run, but also, I did my own (smaller lol) version of that, and continue to occasionally despite working against this strong tide. It’s work to continually remind ourselves that food and eating can and should be joyful not shameful. Hope you enjoy the heck out of that Mac and cheese!!
Yes!! I think a lot of us have our own version of this. You bring up a good point that I didn’t quite know how to work in, but might need to. The progress is what’s important, not that we’re doing it perfectly.
I am SO excited about that mac and cheese!
I “earned” my way right into full blown anorexia doing this. I decided I didn’t deserve to eat at all, because I was not small enough. I would never be small enough. I am still fighting these ideas. I am trying to accept my body as she is. She is a bit tattered after 30 years of that, but she kept me alive and continues to do so. I try to remember food is fuel and nobody has crises at the fuel pump (well, maybe about the price). She will tell me what kind.
Sending you big hugs, Shelly, for your strength and courage against the anorexia monster. We've battled it in our home, and it is an insidious, life-stealing illness that starts small and then takes over everything. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. While I wasn't ever diagnosed with an eating disorder, I spent many years battling my body for not being small enough. I wish someone—anyone—would have said to me, "Some bodies are bigger. Some bodies are smaller. Yours is fine just the way it is."
Coming up family Thanksgiving BLAHHHHH. I just had parathyroid surgery, and I asked SO to make me a step like in the circuit room at the gym. I now have enough energy to do stuff, and I liked the circuit room very much. We have a gym at home. He made it out of cinder blocks which I found cutely hilarious, so I shared this story with my mother.
Big mistake. HUGE.
She told my son that SO was having me use a stair stepper and I was to try to lose weight.
My son 👀👀👀😬😬😬😬😬 “I knew Dad would be dead if that were true, and I just talked to him. Also I know you don’t talk about weight loss or anything like that. So where did she GET this?????”
Being a few years into perimenopause, I’m beginning to surrender to just being in it. Eat mostly healthy but also understand that there are known and unknown factors working against us.
We understand women gain weight when they’re pregnant. Maybe we should be as accepting and nurturing for women in midlife??? We’re birthing another chapter of our lives!!!!
I think this is a pretty healthy way to view it. Having more acceptance and gratitude gives us more capacity to focus on the things most important to us.
Guilty of this!
I’ve relaxed now, thank goodness.
I love this for you—letting go of the body madness is the ultimate gift.
YES!!! Letting go of the perfectionism is such a gift. It gets us out of the dieting mindset that often leads to spiraling behavior when we inevitably mess up.